You may have noticed over the years that Neighbour John likes to eat and drink and he likes contests too.
You might remember a couple of years back he won a jacket at a bar in the States for trying every beer on their 100 beer menu.
Now he's involved in some kind of an eating costest with Crabby Joe's in Bolton, which is close to his machine shop. He ate a big burger and now he needs a bunch of votes to win a lunch for four and a barbeque.
It's called the Outlaw Challenge.
It's the least the reader of Canadian Thinker can do for Johnny Boy, think of all the entertainment he's given us over the past few years.
Here's what you do. Go to this e-mail address, challenge@crabbyjoes.com and on the subject line write "vote". In the body use this code - BL013.
I had a very interesting talk with Neighbour John last night. If you follow this blog you know that I often write about the exploits of Neighbour and his fine family.
Every year during March break, John takes his sons on what I have labeled incredible journeys. You can read about them by searching, Incredible Journey at the top right hand corner.
John and the boys visit NHL arenas and at every stop along the way they pick up souvenirs.
In 2007 they went to Montreal, New Jersey and Philadelphia. Three games in four nights.
But here's the delicious part of the story. At every rink they visit John buys the boys a souvenir hat, and believe me, they have quite the collection.
But what they don't have is a Canadiens hat. When John took the boys to the Bell Centre and offered to buy them caps, they declined.
This is a wonderful story because it goes back to something I wrote about last week.
I was brought up to despise the Habs and I've instilled the same emotion in my son Daniel, and it seems John has done the same for his boys.
As tempting as it was the boys to pick up another hat for the collection, they could not bring themselves to put a Habs cap atop their brainwashed heads. They told their dad to save his money.
We can only hope they hold on to this impressive attribute throughout their lives.
You missed Neighbour John doing karaoke at Celtic Rock in Brampton on Saturday afternoon. He was having a howling good time. Soon as I saw him, I knew who he was.
Long time listener back in the day and regular reader of Canadian Thinker.
For the past few years I've been writing about Neighbour John's March break exploits with his three boys. They like to tour NHL cities.
In 2007 they went to Montreal, New Jersey and Philadelphia. In 2008 they went to Detroit and Chicago, and then last year they went to Atlanta and Tampa.
This year it's an abbreviated tour. This afternoon they were in Long Island to see the Leafs and Islanders, and tomorrow night they'll catch the Bruins and Devils at the new rink in downtown Newark.
They wanted to catch a game in Johnstown, Pennsylvania to catch the legendary Chiefs, but the ECHL schedule wouldn't co-operate.
Instead, John and the boys will spend the day at Coney Island tomorrow so Neighbour John can have something he's always coveted... a legendary Coney Island hot dog.
Meanwhile, here's something that will steam Neighbour John. He absolutely despises Wayne Gretzky, and absolutely adores Bobby Orr.
Over the past couple of years I've written about how I've lost my appetite for New Year's Eve and all the bullshit involved.
I like to lay low on the last night of the year. Have a nice dinner at home, a couple of beers, watch a World Junior hockey game then jump into the sack with my sweet and watch the New Year come in if we stay awake that long.
Last night we didn't.
Thanks to Neighbour John another dimension has been added to our New Years Eve.
John has strong ties to his birthplace Scotland and every year at 19 hundred hours, Eastern Standard Time, he and his family gather around John's bar to ring in the Scottish New Year.
Other than John walking around in a kilt, it's warm, it's pleasant and it's convenient because it allows you to experience some festivities without having to stay up till midnight.
This year was bitter-sweet for Neighbour John's family. They got word early yesterday that their Uncle Martin had passed away in Edinburgh. He was 81 years old, and apparently a very nice man.
Actually, this is Neighbour John's son, Ben. Call him mini-me. He's standing in front of Neighbour John's new tailgatin' contraption. John is a Buffalo Bills season ticket holder.
I realize I haven't written a lot lately, but I've been very busy in Peterborough and I haven't found the right deal for wireless at the trailer yet, so those hours have been shaved away as well.
I promise, in the weeks ahead I'll be writing more, and the reason I say promise is because I'm flattered by those who've e-mailed to ask what the hell's going on.
Anyway, it's Saturday morning, I'm sitting in the Brampton office and it's another shitty day outside, but thanks to Neighbour John I have something to write about.
The ultimate florch.
If you're note familiar with the term "florch", it was a term that was coined on the Humble and Fred Show back in the 90's. To the point, it's the act of farting and having some juice come out.
It was the subject of much fodder on our radio show throughout the years. I maintained that most everyone on earth has "florched" at least once in their life, but Humble and Danger Boy denied ever having done it.
Danger Boy I could "almost" believe because he was still in his 20's at the time and his sphincter still possessed the necessary muscles to fight off such things.
Humble was a different story. I don't care what he says I'm sure at some time during his 40-plus years he's had to mop up after trying to squeeze one out.
Which brings me to the Neighbour John story, which ironically happened on the day of Humble and Fred's 20th Podcast of Memories.
Neighbour John has always been one of my biggest supporters and there's was no way he was going to miss the podcast on May 2nd, so about one o'clock he jumped in the car to make the two o'clock start time.
Problem is, because of some of the comments that had been made on this blog about his eating habits and weight, John had just begun a cabbage soup diet. Admittedly I'm not big on such things, but Johnny boy wanted a kick start to some weight loss so he decided to go the cabbage soup route.
Apparently, somewhere around Burnhamthorpe, heading south on the 427, John lifted one of his ass cheeks to let go with one of his patented stink bombs, only this time there was more than just stink.
The cabbage soup diet had been playing havoc with his "internal stool maker" so what was intended to be a nice long ripper turned into a bloody mess. Thankfully I don't mean "bloody" literally.
John shit himself big time. This wasn't a simple florch that could maybe dry up in a few minutes and leave one's mind, this was a florch of major proportions. This was a "find the closest gas station and get the washroom key florch."
John found took the first off ramp and found a Pioneer gas station where got out of the car squeezing his ass cheeks together while awkwardly entering the gas station to get the key to make all that was wrong, right.
Neighbour John entered the dingy bathroom and dropped his drawers and began a massive clean-up that rivaled the Exxon Valdez. But wouldn't you know it, John had no sooner entered the washroom when a young kid who desperately needed to piss started to bang on the door.
John, startled by this, and in haste to get back on the road decided to sacrifice his underwear, so he gave himself one more wipe down and placed his underwear deep inside the garbage bin before putting his pants back on.
However, just before he left the washroom John gave himself a glance in the mirror and turned his ass around so he could have a look. Much to his horror there was a distinct florch mark on the back of his jeans. It was there to be seen and noticed, and definitely commented on by the group of idiots he was about to catch up with at the Humble and Fred Podcast.
As he got back into his car John decided there was only one thing to do. With time running out before show time at the Dominion on Queen, John decided not to go home, but rather buy a new pair of pants.
Lucky for him there was a "Moore's" directly across the street from the gas station so he bolted over there to get himself back in shape.
John says it was quite the challenge to go into the clothing store and ask for the cheapest pair of pants while trying to hide his florch mark and the odour that it must have possessed.
John kept his distance while the "commission only" sales person approached. John asked for a pair of basic kakis, but the salesman wanted to play sales hero and offered to measure John's waste and inseam.
More horror raged through John as he envisioned sales boy getting his beak close to the disaster area, so he was short and sharp with the sales knob.
"No thanks" said Johnny boy, "I know exactly what I want."
He raced over to a table, grabbed something close to his size and bolted into the change room where he quickly tried on the pants. They were a perfect fit so he ripped off the tags, rolled up the soiled jeans and went straight to the checkout counter sporting his new trousers.
At this point he didn't care what anyone thought.
John got back into his car, and despite all this action and gastric controversy he still made it to the podcast on time. But this posed another problem.
John figured he had cleaned himself up pretty well at the gas station, but he was still self conscious about lingering affect. Yea, he used soap and water and lots of paper towel, but it's not like having a shower. John didn't think he stunk, but it still played on his mind so he sat at the back of the restaurant all alone.
At this point, things seemed to be fine. John had made the show on time, he had a new pair of pants, his asshole had stopped barkin' at him and he was far enough away from anyone to worry about odour.
That's until Nick Kypreos entered the picture.
Nick had met John at previous Humble and Fred functions, so after he had made his appearance on the podcast, Kypreos headed to the back of the bar, noticed John and had a seat beside him.
On any other occasiion Neighbour John would have been thrilled to keep company with a former NHLer who had now become a TV star, but not on this day. On this day, while Kypreos made small talk John was preoccupied with what might be emanating from the area affectionately known as his stink hole.
As it turns out, John was OK. The combination of the clean up job at the Pioneer and the smell of draft beer and deep fried pub food kept the fragrance of John's hell hole in check. Kypreos made no weird face contortions and stayed for a nice long chat.
John was relieved, but not nearly as relieved as he was when the podcast came to an end and he could head home and put this terrible nightmare behind him.
Not only that, but his gut was starting to percolate again.
I just found out about this incident yesterday, so as I look back it explains John's uncharacteristic behavior at the end of the podcast. Usually he'd want to stick around and have a couple of beers before leaving, especially in a place that offered such a wide variety of draft beer.
But not this time, John shook a few hands, mumbled something about having a job to do, and left the bar without anyone noticing he walked out much differently than he walked in.
That's where the story ends for me. He didn't elaborate on the ride home, whether he had to make a few stops along the way or why his sweet wife Ally took a power washer into their bathroom after he got home.
All I do know is this, it takes one helluva friend to put himself through what John put himself through on May 2nd to support his buddy Fred..... and an even bigger man to actually admit it.
Because let's be honest, at some time in our lives we've all florched.
"Cabbage soup makes you poop
Down your leg and in your boot."
Neighbour John is going to give it another crack tonight.
Last year he paid big time to get four tickets to game five of the Stanley Cup final in Detroit so he and his three sons could actually see the Cup being awarded.
Really the only way for a Leaf fan to witness such a thing.
But that's the game Pittsburgh won deep into overtime, forcing a game six in Pittsburgh. John and the boys came away disappointed.
This time John is in Pittsburgh by himself, and this afternoon he grabbed a ticket for $150.00 U.S.
Here's a text message I got from him this afternoon.
"I took a piss beside some Steeler guy with a Superbowl ring, he's bigggggg."
And he sent this picture with the message.
Obviously John didn't have enough balls to take a picture of the Steeler guy while he was having a piss.
Neighbour John is pulling for the Wings tonight. That's when he's not pulling himself of course.
Talk about timing. On a day when NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman made it perfectly clear, once again, that he doesn't want another NHL franchise in Canada, Neighbour John calls me from Raliegh, North Carolina.
John is on a business trip and he was only an hour away from the site of tonights game between the Carolina Hurricanes and Boston Bruins, so he swung by to see if he could get a ticket.
Of course he could. It's freakin' Raleigh, North Carolina for cryin' out loud. Another Bettman hockey hotbed where the fans could give two shits about the NHL.
Three hours before the game, Neighbour John walked up to the box office where there was no lineup, and he purchased a seat for 60 dollars. It's a decent seat , about half way up the stands, but that's not the point, the point is this - on a game night there was actually a ticket available for game three of a quarter-final series.
Can you imagine if this game was being played in Hamilton, or Kitchener-Waterloo or Vaughn? Do you think there would have been a ticket available three weeks ago let alone three hours ago? Do you think it would cost 60 lousy bucks?
The irony of it all.
On yet another day that Gary Bettman slaps all Canadians in the face with his indignant attitude towards our country, here's another example of how pathetic the imbalance is between Canada and some of the ridiculous markets in the U.S. that Bettman endorses.
Game three of a Stanley Cup quarter-final series in Raleigh, North Carolina will not be sold out tonight.
John says there were lots of tickets available, so even if you hear it was sold out, it will be bullshit - another attempt to make the NHL look healthier than it is.
If this game was being played in the GTA tonight it would be a completey different story. The game would be sold-out and packed with nothing but die-hard fans who love the game, appreciate the game and want the game.
St. Petes Times Forum - Tampa. (Leafs 4 Bolts 3 OT) What a game Freddie, do you think that might be Joseph'ss last win? It was like we were in Canada down here, actually better, you get decent service.
Anyway doing good, and glad I am still on my diet, just saying.
Cheers, luving you, but drucnk.
Just driving south from Atlanta to Tampa, great time last night, sending a couple of pics hope you get them, first one is the lack of people, but I've got to say, LOUDER than the ACC, unbelievable, of course winning 5-1 helped, but everyone was into it.
Philips Arena kind of reminds me of the Gardens, especially on the one side without private boxes, just straight up with corners appearing out of no where. The other two pics are self explanatory I hope, anyway highlights of the day in Atlanta.
Tour or Coca Cola (touristy thing)
Got ripped off by a Cabbie $26 for two minute ride then wanted a tip.. Ha!
Ended up in a underground shopping plaza, kinda like a mall under the Gardiner expressway - not impressed
Bought a puck head, along with $40 all you can eat wristbands and game tix, yes!
Between me and the boys, 16 Hot Dogs, 14 Nachos, 6 Pretzels, 4 Popcorn, 4 Amstel light, 4 Miller light, 2 Budweiser, aprox 16 pops and we were finished. We ate the least of all the guests. Wow, are they big down here!!
Great game, Ovechkin is pretty good, just not so good on the back check.
Before you say anything, in the all you could eat section I could only get Amstel Light, it reminded me of the beer strike back in the 90's, hey after 4 Amstels I started asking for Grizzlies, remember that beer, now that was a beer.
Anyway we will be all decked out in Leaf stuff tonight with our $12 tix in Tampa. I will be wearing my Lindros, as I forgot my Kordic sweater, walking from St. Pete's Times Arena to the hotel.
Hi Freddie. Made it to Phillips Arena - having my first beer - only five bucks - stomachs ready for action.
Jake is gonna count hot dog consumption, haha!
Hey Freddie
Hope all is well, finally made it to Chattanooga, Tennessee.
I think I am stealing this wifi from the Mexican/pizza place across the road - it is a little backwards here. We're about 1½ hours from Atlanta and the beautiful all you can eat seats to see Washington Capitals.
Will probably check out Coke Plant in Atlanta, and then off to Tampa tomorrow.
Cheers, I forgot my Banjo
Neighbour John
That's a Canadian in his hand and a trailer behind him.
For the past two March breaks I've written about Neighbour John his hockey adventures with his three sons John Jr, Jake and Ben.
The first year they swept through Montreal, New Jersey and Philadelphia and caught three NHL games, and then last year they did Detroit and Chicago before catching one of the last games Steve Stamkos played with the Sarnia Sting.
This year it's super crazy.
John and the boys left for Atlanta this morning where they'll catch the Thrashers and Washington tomorrow night.
They'll get up Tuesday morning and drive from Atlanta to Tampa and catch the Leafs and Lightning that very same night.
Wednesday afternoon it's the Jays and Phillies in Clearwater, and then they'll turn the car north and try to catch the Kings and Penguins in Pittsburgh Friday night.
The itinerary I give you is no word of a lie, and as usual, I will track their journey on CanadianThinker.com.
May have found the ultimate meal, real goooood But It's not easy to get to.
Rochester, wow what a place, I am told there are some nice parts, I just haven't found where?
Anyway, this is called a Garbage plate. (originally known as Hots and Potatoes),
The creator was a guy named Nick Tahou, but I got this one from his son's restaurant Stevie T's.
Two Cheeseburgers, French fries, Macaroni Salad, Mustard, Onions, Ketchup and Hot sauce all for $6.50, can you believe that? Maybe there's franchise possibilities.
I can only give it 7 out of 10 because there's no beer, (why have a restaurant with no beer???)
Outer Banks - Duck - North Carolina - hope all is well.
This is a cool place. I am actually one of the bigger fellas, not like Florida where I am one of the smaller fellas.
I will never go to Florida again.
We checked out Lighthouses, Brewing Company, 80's night at local pub, and wild freakin horses running around like freakin squirrels.
Tomorrow Wright Brothers Museum and Brewing Company again.
Home Sunday or Monday.
Neighbour John was in Vegas over the past few days, and he compiled this e-mail 37 thousand feet in the air.
John took the whole family to Vegas, and among the activities was a wedding. To mark their 25th anniversary, John and his wife Ally repeated their vows in a little Vegas chapel on the strip.
They also posed for this "Shrek" picture.
Freddie,
I just got bored a couple thousand feet up on the plane, and thought I would send ya a couple of pics from, the one and only, Neighbor John's Vegas Vacation. On a side note, I've been waiting on the waitress (oh no I said waitress), I meant the stewardess, and if she sees this we can bet I will never get my $6.00 can of warm Heiney. I don't mean to be nasty, but whoa, she was probably not bad looking - back in the 60's. Anyway, they are giving money away in Vegas, and I am gonna get me some. Here's the deal, if you bet on the Leafers to win Lord Stanley's mug, they will give you 40 to 1. So please, see the attached picture of me with my golden ticket in hand standing in front of the Vegas sign. And hey, it is just like taking candy from a baby! This is our year, GO Leafs GO!!!
This leads me to the next picture, inspired by Pete Rose, or as he should be known as Charlie Hustler, (what a goof). As we were walking through the fancy mall place, there Pete was, just sitting there in an overpriced memorabilia store in the heart of Vegas (a little ironic, I know). I'm actually not sure what I was expecting, but I had Mini Me with me so I just had to jump into my only Rose story. You know the one, All-star Game and smash, nail the back catcher. So, of course mini me is quite impressed that this guy is sitting only 4 feet away. As I tried to talk to Pete, I had to get in a line, (if three people even make a line). Anyway we spend seconds in this line and then we get taken out of it. It was one of those, you have to buy stuff to stand in this line- kind of line. As I pass him, I stuck out my hand right in his face, so he had to shake it. With little enthusiasm, he did. I told Pete how Mini Me likes the all-star story, and he just shrugs and ignores us- not impressed that I am talking to him for free. All of a sudden people that bought a bat show up, and we get the heeve hoe from the big shot. Okay, so I figure I might as well go check the price of a bat, and maybe get him talking to us. The price of the bat - $399, I don't think so. After all, a bat is not a hockey stick. It wasn't over yet though, so I figured I would take a look at the price of a baseball, and just maybe with a ball in hand we might get big Pete to talk to us. The turn out= $69 for a freakin' ball, no thanks. Anyway, I took this picture, and now, I just don't really want it.
Anyway, the warm Heiney is on it's way. Hope all is well and remember: there is still Stella to be finished in the tiki Bar. Last picture the kids are still laughing, I don't get it!!! Oh and Remind me to tell you about Whitney Houston's driver, real goof but I got the parking spot, Haha!!!
I got a text message from Neighbour John about five o’clock last night. It was short and sweet.
It said, “Find Waldo in Pitt”
I knew what it meant. John was on one of his many business trips to southern Ohio and must have whipped across to Pittsburgh in search of a ticket for game three of the Stanley Cup final.
He got one, and the reference to “Waldo” meant that I was supposed to watch the game last night and pick him out of the crowd........ Don’t laugh. A couple of years ago he was at a game in Boston and he sat right behind the Leaf net. I saw him all night long.
Further to the issue of security at the Skydome (I prefer Skydome to Rogers Centre), neighbour John wandered into the Blue Jay bullpen during the home opener.
He went for a walk and kept walking past people with badges until he found himself deep in the bowels of the stadium. A couple of turns later, he was right in the Jays bullpen.
He stayed there for about ten minutes before someone finally threw him out. All this, and he hadn't touched one beer. Honestly.
Hope you get this.
Sarnia hockey is awsome, makes Brampton and Mississauga look like pee wee.
Fans totally into it, community awsome, the game was sold out but I got 4 tickets in the bar, oh well what could I do?
The Sarnia rink isn't very big but it's loud. Stamko's scored a beauty right in front of us.
The fans here are great, they know all about the standings and how many points each player on their team has. Too bad Battalion fans aren't like that.
Anyway should be home to watch the Leafers tomorrow night, got the Miller Light for my Diet.
I already discussed with the boys next years trip. LA, Anaheim, and San Jose, but I don't think I will be driving that one.
Cheers for now, missing you, go Leafs go, i will pick up the potato chips just in case they're needed for overtime.
John and the boys went to the Black Hawks game in Chicago last night and the first thing they noticed was the noise, it was loud in the United Centre.
What made it even more impressive was the noise was deafening even though the building was a quarter empty. Such a thing is a real eye opener for a Leaf fan who hears relatively no crowd noise in a building that’s always full.
Carolina skunked the Black Hawks 3-0.
During the day John did what John loves to do while visiting new cities. He looks for the most famous bar.
That’s why he went to Green Mill Lounge. It’s where Al Capone used to drink during prohibition while planning his next massacre.
Apparently one of the slogan's for the Green Mill is "if these walls could only talk."
Believe me, if John let one or two of his famous "gassers" go, those walls have a lot more to talk about today.
Neighbour John and his boys arrived in Detroit a little later than they planned yesterday.
If you listen to any of the Conservative talk shows out of the States you know that border security is a big issue down there.
A lot of Americans are terrified of the Mexican border, but they also have their doubts about the Canadian border which they think is a gateway for Islamic extremists who are slipping into the country and then hooking up with Mexican farm workers to plan the overthrow of the free world.
Well maybe this will make them feel better.
Neighbour John and his three boys were stopped in their Suburban yesterday and held for two hours at the border, the victims of a so called random check.
Hey, you can never be too safe, but sometimes you have to wonder about time wasted and what the real motives are.
Maybe it was something consistent with my own little story from last summer.
I was at Pearson Airport and going through the X-ray scanner when I was called aside and told I’d been selected for a “random” check.
It was no big deal, and being a law abiding citizen I took the attitude that security checks are made for the benefit of all so you live with it, but curiosity finally got the better of me and I just had to ask the security officer “why me?”
There were people of all shapes, sizes and colours to choose from, but he chose me and I just had to know what the criteria was – and here’s what he told me.
I looked like a pleasant fellow.
And when pressed to explain further he said this.
“You looked like the type of person who wouldn’t complain if I called you aside."
“You’ve got to be kidding?” I said.
“Nope”
It made me lose a lot of faith in the system and feel a little less safe on the airplane, but I guess it made for one less accusation of profiling and as we all know, that’s all that matters, right?
By the way, John and the boys saw the Wings beat the Blackhawks 3-1 last night.
Last March Break I wrote about Neighbour John and the incredible hockey journey he took with his boys through Montreal, New Jersey and Philadelphia.
John’s a good daddy and eventually he’d like to take John Jr., Jake and Ben to every rink in the NHL. And that’s why today he left for Detroit where tonight they’ll catch the Wings against the Chicago Black Hawks.
Tomorrow they’ll get up and drive to Chicago where they’ll see the Hawks take on the Carolina Hurricanes.
On Thursday night they plan a stop in Sarnia so the boys can have a first hand look at Steve Stamkos. The Sting plays the Erie Otters.
I went all the way to Buffalo with neighbour John and his three sons yesterday, but I didn’t get inside Ralph Wilson Stadium.
I watched the entire “Winter Classic” from inside “Mulligan’s Tavern” which is just kitty corner to the stadium and right across the street from the best pizza I’ve ever eaten.
Here’s what happened.
Neighbour during an early New Year’s Eve toast, John mentioned to me that he was taking the boys to Buffalo the next day for the hockey game and planned to buy tickets from scalpers out front.
Here was the strategy. Given that 71 thousand tickets had been sold, and the weather forecast wasn’t the greatest, the chances of getting reasonably priced tickets were pretty good.
I thought about it for a while and they told him I’d come along. I like notable sporting events but thanks to my long and “storied” career as a sportscaster not too often did I ever have to pay for anything. That has changed and I’m slowly getting my head around it, but only to a point.
When we arrived in Orchard Park about 11:30 we started talking to scalpers and the early prices were high. The cheapest face value seat we saw was 53 dollars and the scalpers wanted two hundred.
We laughed it off and went on to the next scalper who was obviously working for the same network as the first guy. He wanted two hundred for the 53 dollar ticket, but he was willing to be more reasonable for a two hundred dollar club seat. He only wanted $350.00 for those but he was holding firm.
Neighbour John and I quickly determined that we’d have to wait these guys out. We’d wait till after the bloody puck was dropped if we had to, but there was no way we were going to pay those kinds of prices.
We walked around for awhile, and then at about 12:30, John got lucky. He wanted to make sure the boys go into the stadium before the game to see the spectacle of it all and he ran into a guy who wasn’t scalping he was a regular guy who had a few corporate seats left over and he just wanted to get rid of them.
He had three to be exact, just enough for the boys so John paid him $450 for three, $220 seats, expensive, but based on face value, a pretty good deal.
John and I walked the boys to their gate and made sure they were through and we went back to the street with a new strategy. We would buy singles. It’s harder to for scalpers to get rid of singles but we decided we’d buy them at a reasonable price and then hook up inside.
It was game time now and the puck had just been dropped when John hit pay-dirt. It was another guy with corporate seats and he had one club level seat left. John gave him $90 for the $220 seat and I urged him to immediately go into the stadium because the game had started and I knew he’d feel better being inside with his boys.
It didn’t matter anyway, because I felt pretty confident I too was going to get a good deal within the next few minutes. Wrong.
First of all, I couldn’t find a “corporate” guy and unfortunately there were way too many people like me who thought they could beat the scalpers by waiting them out.
Turns out there were a lot more people like me than there were tickets available so all it did was drive the prices up even more. The scalpers stood there with people from Buffalo, Toronto and Pittsburgh desperate to get inside waving money around.
Those $53 tickets became $250 and the club seats held their value, and then the clincher came for me.
A scalper showed me a ten dollar ticket. A ticket that was only good for getting into the stadium. The view was next to non-existent and they were printed only for those who wanted to feel the atmosphere without really seeing the game.
Perfect I thought, I’ll buy one of these and then weasel my way to where John is. I asked the guy “how much” and was floored when he said one hundred bucks. But as I took a few seconds to ponder getting sucked in this bad a young woman reached over my shoulder with a hundred bucks and it was gone.
That was it. I was done. The scalpers only had the expensive stuff left and they were getting their way with every transaction.
I walked across the street to “Mulligans Tavern”, but not before buying a piece of pizza off a vender in one of those big trailers. New York Pizza it was called, and it was absolutely delicious. Especially the crust which was fresh, soft and tasty.
And oh yea, on the way home we stopped off at the Anchor Bar.
Over the years I’ve had the opportunity to attend some memorable sporting events and Sunday I got to add another one to the list.
It just so happened that I was in Cleveland for the Blizzard Bowl, and as uncomfortable as the weather conditions appeared to be, it was one of the most enjoyable sporting afternoons I can remember.
A couple of months ago my buddy Bruce was given six excellent tickets to the Bills/Browns game so we looked ahead and marked it on the calendar never dreaming it would turn into a game that would be talked about for a years to come.
On Friday we became aware of the weather forecast but we took the attitude it would probably blow over and if it didn’t we were all prepared to stay over.
When we got up Sunday morning the weather was fine, but as forecast, the snow started to blow in about an hour before game time and by the time we had bundled up and hit the street it had become a full tilt blizzard.
At times it was all we could do to walk “into” the wind and it took your breath away as ice pellets whacked against your face. But we trudged through the snow and made our way into the stadium
Lucky for us, we were sitting only seven rows from the field on the north side, which meant our backs were to Lake Erie. All things considered it was actually quite pleasant compared to what most of the fans had to deal with so we were able to endure the entire game.
I loved it. I was dressed warm enough to stand there and take it all in. It was the best 8-0 game I’ve ever seen.
This is a picture of Neighbour John walking to the game. Yes, that's a beer in his hand.
This a picture of me and Neighbour John at the game. Yes, that's a beer in his hand.
He did it. I've been writing about this story all year and finally it's happened. Neighbour John drank one hundred beers and got himself a jacket.
John does most of his business in the Ohio and there's a bar chain there called the Winking Lizard. They have a promotion whereby if you drink one hundred pre-determined international beers in a calendar year, you win a jacket.
It's not quite the end of November and John made it. He drank all one hundred beers, and some of them tasted like hyena piss but ironically, the final beer was a Molson Canadian.
It's a high quality blue jean jacket with the Winking Lizard logo on the left hand chest.
It was quite the adventure for Johnny boy this week. Not only did he accomplish the beer drinking thing, his also took him through Toledo where he paid a visit to Tony Packo's, world famous for their chili dogs.
Tony Packo's became super famous back in the 1970's when it was mentioned by Jamie Farr on MASH. His character Klinger was from Toledo and one day while the unit was reminiscing about things they miss about home, Klinger named the chili dogs at Packo's
Just in case you've been wondering what the jolly old bugger has been up to lately, check this stuff out.
The picture is of John with Doug Gilmour at a charity due in the Distillery District last Thursday night - and the video is of John giving his wonderful wife Alison a Halloween gift last Wednesday.
What a man. How many men give there wives a present on Halloween? The rest of us can only take the example and use it.
Over the past few months I've been keeping you up to date on Neighbour John's attempt to win a jacket.
There's a bar called the "Winking Lizard" in Cleveland and you can win a jacket by drinking 100 beers in a calendar year.
The catch is, the beers are not regular beers. You have to drink one of every 100 different beers on tap and some of them taste like goat piss.
Well I'm here to tell you Neighbour John hit the half-way mark last week during his latest trip through Ohio.
He does a lot of business in that state but we're approaching the mid-way point of the eighth month and he's only had 50 beers.
The prize for hitting the half way mark is a blanket. A Winking Lizard Blanket.
I'll keep you posted through the rest of the year as John continues his quest to conquer 100. It's going to be exciting and will probably go right down to the wire.
Meanwhile, here's a picture of Neighbour John standing outside the Winking Lizard after accepting his half way prize.
Neighbour John is a wonderful man who loves just about everyone and everything.
However, when it comes to Wayne Gretzky he gets rather passionate.
John doesn't like Gretzky. He thinks the "Wiener" was over rated and the beneficiary of a great hockey team and a league that went out of its way to protect him. And like most Leaf fans, he still can't get over the infamous 1993 high stick.
"Nothing sticks to the Wiener" is what John often says. He thinks Gretzky was more involved in Bruce McNall's legal problems, he thinks Gretzky and his wife were more involved with the Tochett gambling ring and he finds it amusing that everyone in Pheonix is getting fired except the coach.
John thinks Gretzky spent too much time behind the net, and scored mostly garbage goals while playing on a team with 13 all-stars.
And none of this has escaped John's oldest son John Jr. who has learned well from his dad, and who loves to debate me about all things hockey.
Tuesday night while watching the Ottawa-Anaheim John Jr. made the declaration he'd never seen Gretzky score a goal with imagination.
"I'm not saying he hasn't Mr. Fred" said John Jr. "But to this day, I haven't seen one."
I assured him that Gretzky has indeed scored many imaginative goals over the years, but my point was drowned out by the father who was sitting the background insisting that Gretzky was a "bum."
The debate went on far too long and went into areas that did nothing to support either argument including who would you rather have on the ice, five Gretzkys or five Orrs - an argument I find pointless because to tell you the truth, I'd rather have five Dougie Gilmours or five Wendel Clarks on the ice at the same time given that scenario.
Neither Gilmour or Clark came to close to Orr or Gretzky as individual players, but five against five, I'll take the hardnosed guys who could also score.
As you can see the argument went on way too long and went into areas that failed to support either side.
In the end, I promised John Jr. that I would look for a Gretzky highlight reel that proved he did in fact score the odd imaginative goal and this is what I came up with.
Several days ago I wrote about the latest contest I was having with neighbour John.
Bud Lite is giving away Stanley Cup Champion hats in cases of 24. There are 18 different hats representing the 18 different franchises that have won the Stanley Cup since its inception in 1915.
John and I are having a race to see who can collect the most hats before the contest ends, whenever that is. As I pointed out in the earlier posting, being involved in these contests with John is rather pointless because he seems to go through beer faster than I do.
But hey, in the spirit of friendship and fun I go along with and face certain humiliation.
Here's an update. John has four hats - Leafs, Jersey, Philly and Detroit.
I have one hat, and I just got it today, and you won't believe what team I got. I swear I stood in the beer store and put my hand on about five different cases before I decided on one, and I'll be honest I did that because I didn't want the Ottawa Senators.
I know, I know, it's not the modern day Ottawa Senators but that doesn't matter to me. It's still the Ottawa Senators and I can't stand them whether is the 2007 edition, the 1995 edition or the goddamn 1903 edition.
Well guess what happened, I opened the case as soon as I got back to the car and the first thing I saw was a big "O", emblematic of the 1927 Stanley Cup Champion Ottawa Senators.
John has four hats, four cools hats. I have one hat, one lousy no good for nothing reminder of a despicable franchise that I despise.
I'm not playing this game any more.
Meanwhile, last night I watched the Leafs/Islanders debacle at John's and during a lull in the action I put together this video.
Last spring Labatt offered a great promotion. In every case of Bud Lite you got a coupon good for two steaks from M + M Meat Shops.
Neighbour John and I had a contest to see who could gather the most coupons and he easily beat me.
This spring, Bud Lite if has a new promotion. Every case contains one hat for each of the 18 teams that has won the Stanley Cup, and needless to say John and I are going head to head again.
I'll be honest, I get involved in this stuff more to humour him than anything else. No doubt I'm a pretty good beer drinker, but I'm no match for the king. No match what so ever.
John already has three hats (Leafs, Jersey and Detroit) and I have none.
The question won't be whether I can beat him, the question will be.... will he get the whole set by the end of April.
I had a very enjoyable afternoon yesterday. I just happened to be in the area when I heard Jeff Marek and Bill Watters of Leafs Lunch on am 640 announce that they were at WEGZ Stadium Bar in Vaughn.
I hadn't seen Marek or Leafs Lunch producer Jeff Domet in a while, and I had never met Watters so I decided to make the stop. And then I got really excited when I heard the great Marcel Dionne would be a live guest.
I always liked Marcel Dionne, but not nearly as much as neighbour John likes him, so I made a quick call to Bolton where John has is business and he dropped everything and met me at WEGZ.
What an afternoon. It's a great bar, it was great to see Jeff and Shwarma, it was wonderful to finally meet Uncle Willie and it was fabulous to meet Marcel Dionne.
Dionne is your typical Canadian hockey player and then some. He was gracious and polite, accommodating and warm. We had a nice conversation with the man who scored 731 career goals and then had our picture take with him. (with a camera phone)
Neighbour John has a great argument on why Dionne was a greater player than Wayne Gretzky. He can break down the numbers while considering Dionne spent most of his career with a bad team in Los Angeles, and it all makes sense.
Marcel lives in the Niagara Falls area and has a sports marketing and promotions business.
When you meet someone of his stature it's usually a little intimidating, but this guy really is a gem, and he probably has no idea how much he thrilled a couple of knobs from Brampton.
The phone rang about ten o'clock yesterday morning and the man on the other end was huffin' and puffin'. I could barely make out his words.
"We're at the Philadelphia Museum of Art" and I just ran up the stairs. And now I'm standing in Sylvester Stallone's foot prints - are they ever small."
This was the final event of the Liddell boys March Break Hockey Adventure. Three nights, three cities, three NHL games, a drive through Manhatten and a run up the "Rocky" stairs. Not too shabby.
John and the boys arrived in Philadelphia yesterday afternoon and were surprised how quiet it was around the Wachovia Centre right up until game time.
Granted, the Flyers are the worst team in the NHL, but there was no buzz or no excitement in any of the bars or restaurants close to the rink.
When John first arrived on the scene he thought that maybe he had it wrong and there was no game that night.
Of course this made getting tickets no problem. On his way to buy them at the box office a scalper stepped up and offered 90 dollar tickets for half price. Deal.
The Flyers actually played a good game on this night, beating Atlanta 3-2.
Yesterday before he left Jersey, John and the boys did a Manhatten drive through and got out of the car in Times Square where there's a 24 hour live webcam. The boys stood in front of it and called Grampa who froze the image.
John and the boys expected an eight hour trip from Montreal to New Jersey, but they arrived in East Rutherford in just five and a half hours.
As they were checking into their hotel there was a woman screaming about having her purse snatched, but John decided not to get involved.
Instead he went over to the rink and was pleasantly surprised to find out that even Sydney Crosby can't sell out the Meadowlands, so getting tickets for this game was no problem.
The pre-game meal was at Jimmy Buffett's Bar which is only a couple of minutes from the the rink, and I think John was going to have a beer.
Yesterday I wrote about my neighbour John and his incredible hockey journey with his three boys John, Jake and Ben.
They arrived in Montreal yesterday and the excursion got off to a rocky start. The game was sold out, so John had to buy tickets off a scalper outside the Bell Centre and paid 400 dollars.
Believe me, Big John became extremely pissed when he and the boys were entering the rink and the tickets failed the security scan. They were counterfeit.
John was quickly told he had one option. Get lost.
He argued but as you can imagine Bell Centre security reminded him of the hazards of buying tickets from people on the street and they were quite adamant, they were keeping the tickets and he and the boys were staying outside.
Knowing he was cooked, John asked security if the three boys could stay by the entrance while went and paid the ticket scalper a visit and believe it or not, the scalper was still out on the street doing his thing.
Apparently it was a short confrontation. John didn't need the police or anything. All he had to do was grab the guy by the scruff of the neck and demand compensation.
The scalper turned into a pussy and made up some excuse about not knowing the tickets were counterfeit, and after John threatened to drag his ass all the way back to the Bell Centre, he coughed up two hundred dollars and four tickets, which he promised were legit.
By this time all the scalper's potential customers had scattered and John was concerned about his boys so he had no choice but to take the guy's word for it.
I'm happy to report it ended well. The seats for the legitimate tickets weren't as good as the counterfeit tickets, but he got into the rink and saved himself two hundred dollars - or 20 Bell Centre beers.
Neighbour John has six kids, three girls and three boys. The three girls came along before the three boys so in some instances this has created what you might call an inconvenient divide.
The three girls are teenagers and the three boys are not, so when it comes to something like March break, what do you do?
Two of the girls are in college so they can't go anywhere this week, and the other one is in grade 12 so she really isn't interested in doing anything with the boys.
So Neighbour John came up with a solution. To keep his boys occupied this week he's taking them on a hockey journey. What I call the Incredible journey.
Tell me what three healthy, hockey lovin' boys wouldn't love this trip.
This morning they left for Montreal where tonight they will see the Habs play the Islanders.
Tomorrow morning they'll get up and drive nine hours to New Jersey where tomorrow night they'll see the Devils take on Sydney Crosby and the Pittsburgh Penguins.
On Thursday morning they'll get up and drive three hours to Philadelphia where that night they'll see the Flyers take on the Atlanta Thrashers.
On Friday morning, they'll get up and go to the Philadelphia Museum of Art where they will run up the stairs because they love all the "Rocky" movies, and then they'll drive home. How's that for a good dad.
And just in case you're wondering about the girls, in late April he's taking them to Florida so they can lie on a beach for a few days.
A few weeks ago I wrote about Neighbour John and his quest to win a jacket at the Winking Lizard Bar in Cleveland.
John made his second visit to Cleveland this week and believe it or not, he only added eight beers to the list, so he's had 25 of the 100.
He's doing alright when you do the math, he's one/quarter way through the list, yet we're not one/quarter through the year yet.
Not only that, but John's travel to the States hasn't been that hectic and it will probably pick up as the summer approaches.
No doubt it will be a challenge but I'm sure I can speak for all FreddieP.ca readers when I say we're rootin' for you John. We know the Lord is on your side.
Here's a list of the beers John has run through his system so far. It all sounds like goat piss to me.
1. Abita Purple Haze 11.Avery IPA
14 Bellâ s Amber Ale
15 Bellâ s Pale Ale
17 Boddingtons
18 Bohemia
20 Buckeye Hippie IPA
28 Dos Equis Amber
33 Franziskaner
34 Great Lakes Burning River
35 Great Lakes Edmund Fitzgerald
36 Great Lakes Eliot Ness
37 Grimbergen Blonde
38 Harpoon UFO
39 Heavy Seas Small Craft Warning
40 Hobgoblin
41 Houblon Chouffe
42 Jolly Pumpkin Bam Beer
58 Mackeson XXX Stout
59 McEwans Scotch ale
61 Monty Pythonâ s Holy Grail Ale
83 Shipyard Export Ale
89 Stone Mill Pale Ale
90 Summit Extra Pale Ale
91 Thirsty Dog Old Leghumper
100 Youngs Double Chocolate Stout
Toronto - Neighbours in a midtown Toronto neighbourhood pulled a 30-year old Enbridge gas employee out of a house that blew up from a natural gas explosion yesterday morning.
The red brick house was leveled around 11 a.m. on Harper Gardens in the Mount Pleasant Rd. and St. Clair Ave. E. area while the man was working inside.
Whenever I see a story like this it scares me and gives me concern for Neighbour John's family. John is a perpetual source of natural gas and I just know that one of these days he's going to drop one while he's too close to an open flame.
I can feel the day coming. I'll be sitting at home when all of a sudden the earth will move and the windows will rattle. Hopefully John will be home alone at the time and hopefully the damage to my house will be minimal.
I'll be watching the Superbowl at neighbour John's tonight. It's become an extremely convenient tradition.
All I have to do is walk out the door and take about 50 paces due west. Watching a game at neighbour John's provides a man with pretty much all he needs.
You walk through his foyer and the stairs to rec room are on the right. From that point on, you're in a sports fans fantasy.
As you descend the stairs there is sports memorabilia plastered to the walls and ceiling of the stairwell. Ticket stubs, newspaper articles and pictures of John with famous people.
As you enter the rec room you have to walk by a pinball machine and a big screen television to get to the bar.
The bar is appointed as well as any bar in any commercial establishment and stocked the same way. A television hangs above the bar which means you don't miss a minute of the action while you're getting a drink.
Then again, at neighbour John's it would be impossible to miss any of the action. The big screen television I mentioned is not the main television. He has another one in the main sitting area. The first big screen I mentioned is there if you're playing pinball, or if you're in the main sitting area and you happen to look to your right.
And don't worry about a quick trip to the washroom, there's a television in there was well. In a 35o square foot area, there are four television sets.
John will set up a pool for the game which will have a pay off of about 100 bucks. There all kinds of shooters you'll be urged to drink during the game, there will be all kinds of great snacks at half time, and afterwards Johnny Boy will crank up the karaoke machine and everybody will be forced to sing one song before they leave.
John will sing something by Jimmy Buffett, his dad will sing Sinatra (very well) and then I usually do John a big favour. I sing the Candy Man and it clears the house.
He travels to the state of Ohio on a monthly basis and often visits a bar called the Winking Lizard in Columbus.
They have a program whereby you become a member with the sole purpose of drinking 100 different beers over the course of a year. They keep track through computer and when you reach 100, you get a jacket.
John paid his first visit of 2007 on Monday night. He was there for four hours and now he only has 83 beers to go.
Yesterday was Robbie Burns day. The birthday of a Scottish Poet sweet f-all to me but it's a big event at neighbour John's.
He's of Scottish heritage and follows the traditions of that country quite closely. The attached picture is of John about to eat a piece of haggis that his lovely wife Alison prepared.
I like all kinds of food from all over the world but I still have a tough time swallowing the haggis that is offered to me every January 25th.
My neighbour John owns a tool and die company and often travels to the United States on business. However when he travels it's usually to Ohio and Maryland.
That's why I was so confused yesterday when I heard the reports about the peculiar smell of gas in the streets of Manhattan.
Like everyone else the first thing I thought of was terrorism. Why not, chemical terrorism has been threatened many times over the past several years. But once it was determined that terrorism wasn't a factor, I thought of neighbour John and wondered what the hell he was doing in Manhattan. Did he have a new client?
Neighbour John has the worst farts of any man I know. They don't even smell like farts, apparently it's a smell more consistent with a dead body, so he immediately came to mind as a possible source of wide spread odour in a large metropolitan area.
I jumped on the phone and gave him a call to see where he was. Turned out he was still in Brampton and had no connection what so ever to the gas alert in New York.
And then it all made sense to me. Of course neighbour John wasn't in New York. If he was, one sniff of his ass and it would have definitely been considered terrorism and the Homeland Security Advisory System would have moved from "elevated" to "severe".
The call came in about 5:40, neighbour John was taking his three boys to the Leafs game at the Silver City Theatre near our house.
It's an experiment by the Leafs this year. For the rest of the season all the games on Leafs TV will also be offered at local theatres.
Somewhat intrigued by the idea I agreed to join them but there wasn't a lot of time to do what had to be done. We had to leave the house by 6:20 to make sure we got decent seats, so that left only 40 minutes to have supper, buy snacks and get beer.
Yes beer. I whipped down to my local Brewers Retail and got 12 cans of Bud Lite, then zipped over to the Dollar Store to buy three bags of roasted shelled peanuts.
Anybody with half a brain knows you don't buy theatre food, it's too expensive - and they don't sell beer so you have to take it in yourself.
So that's what we did. John stuck four cans of beer in his coat and I stuck four in mine.
Problem is, as it turned out, it wasn't enough. John dusted his four beers by the two minute mark of the second period, and I had consumed mine by the second intermission.
But that's OK, now we know what to do for the next time.
As for the game itself, what can I say? Anytime the Leafers blitz their opponent 10-2 you've gotta be happy. Seeing the game on a screen that big while sitting in the front row was quite the experience. However for some it can have an adverse affect.
Halfway through the first period John's son Ben puked into a large soft drink cup.
You may have noticed over the years that Neighbour John likes to eat and drink and he likes contests too. 
I had a very interesting talk with Neighbour John last night. If you follow this blog you know that I often write about the exploits of Neighbour and his fine family. 
Hey Freddie 
For the past few years I've been writing about Neighbour John's March break exploits with his three boys. They like to tour NHL cities.
Over the past couple of years I've written about how I've lost my appetite for New Year's Eve and all the bullshit involved.
I realize I haven't written a lot lately, but I've been very busy in Peterborough and I haven't found the right deal for wireless at the trailer yet, so those hours have been shaved away as well.
Neighbour John is going to give it another crack tonight. 
Talk about timing. On a day when NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman made it perfectly clear, once again, that he doesn't want another NHL franchise in Canada, Neighbour John calls me from Raliegh, North Carolina.
Hey Freddie,
For the past two March breaks I've written about Neighbour John his hockey adventures with his three sons John Jr, Jake and Ben.
Hey Fred,
Neighbour John was in Vegas over the past few days, and he compiled this e-mail 37 thousand feet in the air.
Further to the issue of security at the Skydome (I prefer Skydome to Rogers Centre), neighbour John wandered into the Blue Jay bullpen during the home opener.
John and the boys went to the Black Hawks game in Chicago last night and the first thing they noticed was the noise, it was loud in the United Centre.
Neighbour John and his boys arrived in Detroit a little later than they planned yesterday.
I went all the way to Buffalo with neighbour John and his three sons yesterday, but I didn’t get inside Ralph Wilson Stadium.
We walked around for awhile, and then at about 12:30, John got lucky. He wanted to make sure the boys go into the stadium before the game to see the spectacle of it all and he ran into a guy who wasn’t scalping he was a regular guy who had a few corporate seats left over and he just wanted to get rid of them. 
Perfect I thought, I’ll buy one of these and then weasel my way to where John is. I asked the guy “how much” and was floored when he said one hundred bucks. But as I took a few seconds to ponder getting sucked in this bad a young woman reached over my shoulder with a hundred bucks and it was gone.
Over the years I’ve had the opportunity to attend some memorable sporting events and Sunday I got to add another one to the list.
He did it. I've been 
Just in case you've been wondering what the jolly old bugger has been up to lately, check this stuff out. 
A few people have e-mailed me lately about Neighbour John and his quest to 
Neighbour John is a wonderful man who loves just about everyone and everything.
And none of this has escaped John's oldest son John Jr. who has learned well from his dad, and who loves to debate me about all things hockey. 
Several days ago I 
Last spring Labatt offered a great promotion. In every case of Bud Lite you got a coupon good for two steaks from M + M Meat Shops.
I had a very enjoyable afternoon yesterday. I just happened to be in the area when I heard Jeff Marek and Bill Watters of Leafs Lunch on am 640 announce that they were at WEGZ Stadium Bar in Vaughn.
The phone rang about ten o'clock yesterday morning and the man on the other end was huffin' and puffin'. I could barely make out his words.
John and the boys arrived in Philadelphia yesterday afternoon and were surprised how quiet it was around the Wachovia Centre right up until game time.
John and the boys expected an eight hour trip from Montreal to New Jersey, but they arrived in East Rutherford in just five and a half hours.
Yesterday I wrote about my neighbour John and his incredible hockey
1. Buy 24 Bud Lite
Yesterday was Robbie Burns day. The birthday of a Scottish Poet sweet f-all to me but it's a big event at neighbour John's. 
My neighbour John owns a tool and die company and often travels to the United States on business. However when he travels it's usually to Ohio and Maryland.
The call came in about 5:40, neighbour John was taking his three boys to the Leafs game at the Silver City Theatre near our house.
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