November 26, 2012 @ 17:35
Since my daughter Melanie and her husband Josh surprised us with the great news last spring that we were going to be grandparents, we've been on pins and needles.
It's hard to explain unless you've been through it. The anticipation of being a Papa is like nothing I've ever felt before.
I fathered two kids, but what got me through that was ignorance. I don't think I ever really appreciated the responsibility I was about to take on when Delyse was pregnant with Melanie, and that was probably a good thing.
If I had stopped down at the time and thought about the all the things I was about to be responsible for, I probably would have left the country.
But there were no reference points.
Other than a dog and a 1973 Ford Pinto, I had never been responsible for anything really, so I assumed it would be no big deal - and even though it was a big deal, my immaturity was very helpful.
It wasn't till long after my kids were somewhat grown that I looked back and realized what we had accomplished. And that's why the anticipation of being a grandparent is so different.
Now I do have reference points and I realize what's at stake here and I'm scared shitless, and for so many reasons, not the least of which is how this whole thing has been compounded.
Not only do I have to worry about a child that's coming into a much different world, but also I have to worry about whether he'll get here safely and what that might do to the kid who's having the kid.
By the way, we already know he's a boy and his name is John Richard.
When I see the size of Melanie's belly I wonder how on earth that bump is going to see the light of day without a whole lot of painful pushing and screeching and I hate the thought of all that painful screeching being done by my sweet Melanie.
No matter what age, you never want your kids to suffer disappointment or sadness let alone pain.
That's where I'm at right now. I'm nervous about this arrival, and although I'm sure everything is going to be alright, I'm still a little freaked out by it all, but way more freaked out than I was awaiting the arrival of my own kids.
I can't wait till we get the contractions call, and I really can't wait till John is here and I'm holding him in my arms and Melanie is fine and looking forward to the paramount job that she and Josh have in front of them.
I've already made the vow; I'm going to concentrate on John Richard like I've never concentrated on anything before. Again, when you're raising your own kids you're so busy you forget to really appreciate what you're doing and before you know it, they've grown up.
I constantly find myself looking back over Melanie and Danny's lives trying to remember certain moments only to be frustrated by my inability to do it.
The way I look at it, based on averages, I'll be lucky to have 25 years with John and even less with grand kids still to come... so I'm going to make the most of it.
When I think of the moment I first lay eyes on John I can't help but get emotional and sentimental and to some extent wistful.
It's going to be an adventure and I promise, definitely over the next few months, and hopefully over the next few years, I'll continue to write about it.