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December 2009 Archives

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Proud Times For Humble And Fred

December 13, 2009 @ 19:49

It was a real pant pisser. We gathered at the studios of Proud-fm on Wellesley Street on Saturday for the fifth Humble and Fred Podcast.

Turns out we're not really calling this one a Christmas podcast because it had very little to do with Christmas, it just happened to be close to Christmas.

Thanks to Bingo Bob Willette for providing the facilities which will make the job for Dan Duran a lot easier this week. He didn't have to screw around with laptop computers and bunch of different microphones and a Mickey Mouse mixing board; we just sat right down and started barkin' like a real radio show.

Humble and I covered several different topics and as usual, had a lot of laughs. Dan should have the finished product ready to go by the end of the week, and then all you peckers can decide if the laughs were warranted.

It was nice to see young Andy Wilson on Saturday, he is Howard's current producer at EZ Rock. We also placed a call to Jason Barr (Danger Boy) and it was great to finally have him as part of one of our podcasts.

Twas fun!

Category: Radio

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Mustard Cuts It

December 13, 2009 @ 11:58

American syndicated morning men Opie and Anthony had a great "bit" on their show recently.

A homeless guy named "Mustard" claimed to be a former musician so they bought him a guitar, miked him up and he covered Radiohead's "Creep"



Category: Radio | Stuff

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Santa Has A Beer Gut

December 12, 2009 @ 10:16

When I was a kid and still believed in Santa Claus, every Christmas Eve my parents would leave something for Santa.

A beer, a smoke and some carrots for Rudolph.

When I'd get up the morning I'd run to the kitchen to see if Santa had been to our house, and it would be verified by an empty bottle of Molson Golden, a squished Buckingham butt and the carrots would be gone.

Never did I consider how hammered Santa would be if everyone around the world had left him a beer, and I didn't think of the consequences of all those cigarettes either.

I grew up to be a non-smoker who doesn't drink and drive. Somehow all the so-called bad influence around me didn't turn me into a reckless drunk with bad lungs.

That's why I get so aggravated by todays over abundance of political correctness.

There's a story in today's Toronto Sun headlined "A cold one for Santa" and it explains some of the shit that's hit the fan over a Labatt promotion for their de-alcoholized beer.

The ad suggests if you want to leave a cold beer for Santa, leave him one with alcohol because he's driving. Rather innocent and marginally clever, but of course the arsholes have come out of the wood work trying to turn this into something it isn't.

Labatt is completely on the right track here, promoting their non-booze product while reminding us that nobody should drink and drive, including Santa, but there are still those who find the ad offensive.

One woman suggests that it sends the wrong message. "Children see that and they think we'd better leave beer for Santa instead of cookies and milk." she said. "I have grandchildren and great-granchildren and I don't approve of it. "Maybe I'm an old fuddy-duddy."

Fuddy-duddy? Yea.

Another whack job, some marketing wizard from York University says this. "The ad breaks the "golden rule" to never associate drinking with driving in a sales pitch. They're positioning that you can have a beer and you're still safe to drive, but they can't control how many of those 0.5% beers people consume. They thought being this lower alcohol would get them off the hook, but I don't think it does. This is a silly ad and if they've got a decent product, it should be powerful enough."

It's at times like this I wonder where we'll be ten years from now. You won't be able to say or do anything without having somebody ready to pounce.

Category: Stuff

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Then And Now

December 12, 2009 @ 10:08

1959 vs. 2009

Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school a nd then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.

1959 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2009 - School goes into lock down, Metro police called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.


Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.

1959 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2009 - Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged them with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.


Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.

1959 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2009 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the province because Jeffrey has a disability.


Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1959 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2009 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. A psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.


Scenario 5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1959 - Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.
2009 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.


Scenario 6:
Zamvig fails high school English.

1959 - Zamvig goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
2009 - Zamvig's cause is taken up by the Ontario Human Rights Commission. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. A class action lawsuit is filed against the provincial school system and Zamvig's English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Zamvig is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.


Scenario 7:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from Canada Day, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.

1959 - Ants die.
2009 - The Mounties are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The Mounties investigate his parents -- and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.


Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.

1959 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2009 -Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Category: Stuff

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Freeway Is Bloggin'

December 11, 2009 @ 17:30

Freeway Frank, despite being your classic A-1 aggravating Hab fan is a good shit. He got fired from his morning gig in Calgary a couple of months ago, but in the meantime, like so many others, he's created a blog. Check it out ya peckers!

"I thought it would only be fair to provide an update to the many great people who have followed my radio career over the years. It amazes me that I still get emails everyday from people who listened to my show on Energy and I still hear from folks who tuned me in on the Mix in Toronto and Z95 in Vancouver. Thanks so much for caring. Thanks for asking me when I'll return to the airwaves and thanks for always being there when I cracked that microphone as we shared a laugh or two. I'll be back soon and when it happens you'll be the first to know."........ more

Category: Radio

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Comments We Like - Adrian McNair

December 11, 2009 @ 12:22

Dear Opposition, the Taliban thanks you.

"Let's not pretend this detainee affair is anything but deflection and distraction from the core issue, defeating the enemy, and identify it for what it truly represents: rank political opportunism intended to gain a few votes in the next election in Canada."

Category: Politics

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Humble and Fred's Every So Often Annual Christmas Show

December 10, 2009 @ 08:39

We used to do a Christmas Show every year while we were together on the radio, but since that all went to shit we've been hooking up periodically to do podcasts.

The last Christmas podcast was back in 2006. It's amazing how time flies.

This Saturday Humble and I will be getting together at a downtown location to record our latest podcast and it should be up on the web and available through i-tunes by late next week.

More details to follow.

Category: Radio

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Non Story

December 9, 2009 @ 17:53

I've received several e-mails from the predictable group wondering why I haven't had anything more to say about the so called Afghani scandal. You know, all the bullshit about Afghan detainees being abused after being handed over by Canadian troops to Afghan police.

I haven't had anything more to say about it, because I really don't think it deserves a response.

This has turned into a disgusting political field day for the Liberals and NDP, even though they're well aware that war sucks. It's dirty and abusive and unfair and criticism of our side on any level is nothing short of slimy.

It's a way to take something that's relatively insignificant in the big picture and turn it into a slam against the Conservatives... and believe me, I'd say the same thing if the roles were reversed. You see, I put our country and our troops first.

A headline in today's Toronto Star makes we want to puke. "Afghan beaten by police was in Canadian custody: top general"

Read it if you want, but it changes nothing. Chief of Defence Staff Walter Natynczyk said not only was it known Afghan police abused prisoners but that one in particular had been handed over by Canadian troops.

That's what it comes down to, "one in particular." Natynczyk is drawing from recent information he got over the past 24 hours, but it still shouldn't be considered a condemnation of our soldiers or the government.

"One in particular" shouldn't cause a massive shit fit that only serves to criticize people who are in a tough position to make decisions and protect the interests of our soldiers and their reputation.

"One in particular"

Not to be cold, but when your get right down to it how in the hell, in times of war, with so much going on over there, should anyone on "our side" be raked across the coals for something that happened to "one in particular."

It's interesting to read some of the comments that have been attached to today's story in the Star. I'm surprised they haven't been deleted.

How about this one!

"God forbid they are beaten with newspapers by Afghanistan soldiers when in their custody. Most of them would gladly bomb your home, or your child's school if given half a chance. And you Liberal sheep insist on making this a political story! Let's remember the Liberal government was in power when this all started, and some of what you cry about so loudly took place under their watch. If you have personal feelings to express, do so. That is all of our rights. But stop this infantile habit of trying to turn everything into a political game."

And this one says it all.

"I do not know one person who cares about this. Not once have I heard anyone bring it up at work or at the coffee shop."

Bingo. This is a non-story that has been perpetrated by a Liberal media that is grasping at straws because just about everything else the sitting government has done has sat well with Canadians.

Ignatieff and Layton and the Toronto Star and everybody else who wants to turn this into something it isn't should be ashamed of themselves.

It's war. It's tough and miserable and crazy at times. To turn "one in particular" into some national inquiry is pathetic. The attempts by some to turn this into a way to get at Stephen Harper is downright creepy.

I'm done with this story because there's nothing else to say, other than I'm embarrassed for those who deserve better.

Category: Politics

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Today With Craig And Matt

December 9, 2009 @ 08:56

More Tiger talk.













Cool new Tiger game.

Category: Radio

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Guest Jason

December 8, 2009 @ 09:06

I received a great phone call from Edge Program Director Ross Winters yesterday. He wanted to know if I'd be interested in "guest Jasoning" on the Dean Blundell Show for a couple of days leading up to Christmas.

Wow. It's crazy how things come around. During all my years at the Edge, whenever I was away on holidays Humble would have somebody guest Fred. Guest Freds included Paul Romanuk, Nick Kypreos, Lance Brown, John Gallagher and Tyler Stewart of the Barenaked Ladies.

Humble would also give out free dinners to "Fred's Not Here" on King St.

I should also mention that during the last couple of years of the Humble and Fred Show at The Edge, Jason, who was our producer, started reading the sports when I was away. Now on the 21st and 22nd of December, I'll be filling in for him.

I'm pumped, for so many reasons. I'm honoured they asked, I look forward to working with Dean and Todd, and it will feel great, I'm sure therapeutic, to sit in my old chair at the Edge again.

The last time I was part of morning show was August 8, 2005. It's been a long time, much too long and I look forward to contributing whatever I can to one of the most popular morning shows in the city.

December 21st and 22nd. Let's be doing it.

Category: Radio

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