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The Flying Weed Whacker

August 19, 2008 @ 11:00

I got caught in one of those moments yesterday. Not like George Costanza in the bathroom with the Cosmopolitan, but it was almost as embarrassing.

Let me preface this by saying I'm married to the world's most well adjusted, calm, cool and collected woman alive. She's got endless patience and wouldn't say shit if her mouth was full of it.

I'm somewhat the opposite and tend to let little things get the better of me sometimes.

Like yesterday when I was attempting to use my weed whacker again. It's useless. Delyse bought it for me a couple of years ago, and she bought it because I asked for it.

My Weed Eater had screwed up for the one hundredth time and against my better judgment I asked for another gas powered small engine jobby even though I knew these things are more trouble than they're worth.

I should have asked for the cordless re-chargable but I thought by the time I asked for a new gas machine they would have ironed out all the wrinkles and the tendency for these things to stall all the time or refuse to start for no goddamn reason.

I was wrong.

Delyse bought something called a Homelite and although it worked properly for maybe the first two or three times, since then its been a bitch bastard pain the ass.

It always starts OK when its cold, and it actually whacks a few weeds before something comes over it and it refuses to continue.

It stalls, and then you have to choke it before it even pretends it wants to start. And then if it does start, as soon as you take the choke off it stalls. And if for some reason it doesn't stall at that point, as soon as you give it some gas it definitely stalls.

Imagine being in the middle of yard work and having to deal with this. It got so bad at one point yesterday that I was continuously yanking the cord, and if it ran for a brief few seconds I would run over to some grass and try to cut it before it stalled again.

It was brutal, frustrating and extremely aggravating. So I did it. I threw it across the yard.

But I have to admit, just before I threw it, it crossed my mind that somebody might be watching me. But it was early in the morning and there was nobody else outside so I went with the law of averages and flung the son of a bitch halfway across the yard where it landed with a bang against the bottom of the fence.

And then almost instantly I heard a tapping. Like someone was tapping on a window. So I looked up, and there in the bedroom window was Delyse giving me a sarcastic thumbs-up.

In my world, this was trouble. Delyse is the most patient and tolerant person in the world, but when it comes to my impatience, she has no patience or tolerance.

I sheepishly nodded as she left the window with a look of disgust on her face.

I finished doing a few things around the yard and then prepared myself to go into the house and face the music. But I decided to be pro-active. Rather than wait for her to bring it up, I decided to bound into the house and explain myself.

"Dol" I said. (That's what I call her) "What I did was stupid, silly and immature. There's no excuse for it and it would have been awful if someone else had seen it. Like one of neighbour John's kids or Danny's girlfriend (who I'm just getting to know). But I had to do it hon, that piece of crap has been haunting me for two years now. It was the wrong thing to do and solved nothing..... but I'll tell ya something, it felt great!"

What happened at that point surprised me. She laughed. My little darlin' laughed.

Turns out she has witnessed what I've been going through with that hunk of junk over the past couple of years and she understood. She understood the extent of my frustration and how it could push me to the point of an outburst.

Too many times she saw me pulling on that cord to the point of exhaustion only to have it sputter and spit in my face. She understood.

Today I'm going to crush it with the back wheels of my Pathfinder.

Category: Family | Stuff

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78 Responses to "The Flying Weed Whacker"


James Edgar
August 19, 2008 / 11:41

See that's what I'm talking about Fred! Passion and Humour .


Ken
August 19, 2008 / 12:41

Fred - had the exact same experience but with one exception - I did a baseball swing with the Homelite against the corner of my house. Sell it and get a Toro rechargable. They start everytime!


Al F
August 19, 2008 / 12:49

Fred,
Do youself a favour.
Go to Crappy Tire and buy a cheap plug in electric one.
The cord is a bit of a pain in the ass. But it only takes a few minutes to do all the edgeing and then you use the cord with your inexpensive leaf blower from Crappy Tire to finish the job.
I picked a $20. weed wacker off the prize table at a golf tourny 20 years ago and it still works perfectly.
I used it yesterday.
You are not the only person who has grown to hate those things.
And I agree with you. Delyse has always been way more mature than you. Just like in my house.
It's our wives that keep us level.
Brenda has been away for a week and left me a list of jobs to do around the house.
So what did I do?
I went golfing four times.
Real smart. In about 4 hours I will have to face the music.
Maybe I'll go golfing tomorrow.
Al


Ball
August 19, 2008 / 13:15

Let me give you my piece of sh!t Homelite weed wacker so you can drive over it as well.

Or maybe between the two of them we can make one working machine. My engine works, that's not the problem... the business end with the wacker thing.

The bolt on the end strips the plastic unit with the nylon thread... and I have bought half a dozen different wacking units from 6 different stores and not one of them fits the end of my Homelite weed wacker... every package says it fits 99% of all weed wackers and the Homelite name is in the list of makes on every single package and not one of them fits my machine.

I own this piece of junk and I am out renting a weed wacker for forty friggin dollars.

The best part of your story for me Fred, is to be able to show Nancy that I am not the only guy who boils over with incompentent machinery and throws something... I have always said you're a nutcase when it comes to things like this and she would always say "that's not true, Freddie is not like that" and now she can read it for herself.

Thanks man.


Buffalo Boy Mike
August 19, 2008 / 14:30

Holy shit im on the floor I fell out of my chair laughing my ass off freddie! Nice that would have been my response to the damn thing too....


Neighbour John
August 19, 2008 / 14:34

The kids pretty much figured you were going to throw it in the pool two weeks ago! Hey and keep the language down!


Lester
August 19, 2008 / 14:42

We've got an oil and gas mixture whacker at the cottage, what a pain in the grass that is...effing piece of crap has come close to landing in the lake!


Mike from Lowville
August 19, 2008 / 14:46

Funny, when I was in the business, (landscaping/property maintenance) mine would start and run until they ran out of gas. Red hot they would still start and run all day, every day for the whole season. Had to change the spark plug 7 or 8 times in a season. The next year they were a little more temper mental. For the most part though a weed eater would last 2 years with very little problems. These were commercial units ($300-$400). In fact, I still have one from those days,(early 80's) and I'm still using it on my 1 acre lot. It's a pig to start now, (6-7 pulls) but once it's going it runs until it's runs out of gas. Fred, spend the money, get a commercial unit like a STIHL and it will last you a lifetime and then pass it on to one of your kids.


Stafford
August 19, 2008 / 15:23

Poor Dol has been watching you pulling your cord to the point of exhaustion for far too long, Freddie!


cragar77
August 19, 2008 / 15:49

Fred I have to say when I went to a travelling tool sale (here in the US, the company is Cummins and they travel selling stuff over the US, unloading a trailer in a rental hall and then go to the next town, don't know if they have such a thing in Canada) just over a yr ago, I was disappointed at the time that they didn't have any 'factory reconditioned' Homelite weedwackers left since my dad's chainsaw is a Homelite he bought back in the 70's and has been pretty good. I got a Craftsman one and so far so good. But Freddie 1 question, you said you were going to be working at ---- Depot. How are you going to deal with a customer wanting 1 of those?


Bob B.
August 19, 2008 / 16:03

Gee, it seems everybody was trying to whack weeds yesterday.!!! I just bought a Craftsman (electrical corded type) from crappy tire because the on/off switch of my 15 years old otherwise beautiful working Weed Eater is busted and nobody carries this part.

My problem was the opposite of Fred's. Mine worked too well. Let me explain: I wasn't even half finished when all of a sudden there was no more nylon line. Can you guys imagine, I used a whole spool of this stuff and I couldn't even finish the job. One nylon spool on my old one lasted more than a whole summer.

I better figure out what I did wrong or I end up taking out a loan to buy all this nylon line, not to mention the friggin inconvenience of changing the spool all the time.


Donny P.
August 19, 2008 / 16:32

Ha ha, that's funny Frd. I can picture you doing that. I wouldn't have lasted as long as you though. I would have pitched it over to neighbour John's a long time ago.


Neighbour John
August 19, 2008 / 16:37

By the way, it works ok for me???


Bruce
August 19, 2008 / 18:50

I have a homelite that works just fine but if it didn't I'd trash the piece of s#&^%t with my tank also. But before you do that try putting in premium gas they run a lot better with that if it doesn't work you can still trash it and lose it on the high price of our friggin gas. Oh! even better wait till Sept 1 when the price goes down bastards :)


Boomer
August 19, 2008 / 23:24

Freddie,

What a fantastic post. I spit my Coke on my keyboard laughing.

Hey, you should try one of those battery powered lawn mowers out for size.

I smell a new website..."OrdinaryAverageGuyStuffReviewsByFreddieP.ca"


Steve Smith
August 20, 2008 / 13:23

If you want a gas powered one you buy ones the pro's buy, none of that faux backyard weekend chec shirt dad trimming the frost fence line garbage. I have Sthil, had it going on 4 years, starts in two pulls , never had any trouble with the idle, easy to replace cord and easy to add attachments.

Not cheap $350.00 new back then but works like a charm.


Danno
August 21, 2008 / 11:29

Try a little preventative maintenance. Change the plug and clean the air filter...if that does not work, the little mixture screw on the carb needs adjustment....


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