Freddie P's Blog

July 29, 2008 @ 11:46

I’ve got to admit, I’m amazed at the lack of juicy issues that have been in the news lately.

It’s been a quiet summer when you think about it. There’s been some gun play in the GTA, but nothing like past years, and the gang activity seems to have thinned out.

Mayor Miller has been rather quiet. He must be taking some time off this summer because; there have been very few puzzling or mind boggling decisions or statements by the man who’s slowly destroying Toronto.

Federally, it’s the same old story. A Liberal leader is attempting to destroy himself, but Ontario won’t stand for it. Canada’s most twisted province prefers to over-look the obvious shortcomings of the Liberals, and instead, dig deep for anything that might make the Conservatives look bad, even if it’s fantasy.

It’s left me scratching my head many days this summer wondering what to write about.

You need issues to sink your teeth into, but there’s been no meat outside of my little world in the Kawartha’s.

Inside my world however, there are have been two issues lately.

A bear and poop.

There’s been a black bear spotted at the garbage dumpster just down the road from us, and we’ve had some trouble in the trailer park this year with having our black water tanks emptied.

The bear, which very few people have actually seen, has most of the women, including my wife freaked out. They feel we’re under the constant threat of being torn apart by a bear, who in reality, would rather eat our garbage than eat our limbs.

Even during the day when we walk near the vicinity of the dumpster, Delyse walks a little closer to me and her head spins like “what’s her name” in the Exorcist.

I keep telling her there’s nothing to worry about. I’ve been coming up to these parts since I was “crappin’ yellow” and never once has anyone been threatened, let alone attacked by a bear.

We used to make special trips up to a dump just to watch them play and eat. Black bears don’t care about us unless we threaten their young, and I don’t think anyone is going to go out of their way to threaten a cub.

“But what about at night” said my sweet.

“Same thing” I said. First of all, chances are the bear will be way more interested in the garbage than he is in us, and if you leave him alone, he isn’t going to do anything.

It’s really a needless worry, especially when you consider that only a select few people have actually seen the thing.

To be honest, I’d love to see the bear. I’d take a few pictures and put them on my website. In fact I’d like to lure him to the Tiki Bar with a shot glass of honey.

Baby come on! That would be a picture!

What I find a lot more threatening in the park right now is full black water tanks.

Black water thanks hold your poop and pee and through a management change this summer, there’s been a problem with emptying these things on a consistent basis.

They’ve been done every week, but it’s been a bit of a “crap” shoot when it comes to the actual timing. This week it was done on Friday night, right at the dinner hour. Several people were just sitting down to a nice meal when the “Poop Wagon” guy was sucking stuff out of their trailer. And believe me, no matter what you do, while the process is taking place, there’s an odour.

My buddy Darren was a nervous wreck on Friday. He was expecting company, yet his holding tank was brim full of chocolately goodness. He was at his wits end wondering what he was going to tell his guests. Luckily, all embarrassment was avoided at the eleventh hour.

Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said for my other friend Chris. Her black water tank wasn’t emptied properly and what she thought was an empty tank turned out to be a “still full” tank. How unfortunate that my other friend Danny Bonchek was the first upon the scene and responded to Chris’s distress.

He put a bucket under the valve and cranked it. He created enough room until the next pump out - and let it be known Chris disposed of it in a very environmentally conscious way.

My buddy Bruce had an entirely different problem. His valve was broken, so there was no way of getting the nectar from inside his tank into that of the “excremental engineer.”

He’s in the process of replacing the valve while not having any of his own body waste splash him in the face. He’s a handy guy, but this situation poses a major problem that I hope I never experience.

Amazing eh. I start out saying I have nothing to write about but I end up with his long drawn out story about something you’d probably rather not think about.

Hey, but that’s exactly why I’m so concerned about black water pump outs.

I’m full of shit.