Freddie P's Blog

December 24, 2007 @ 10:19

It's Christmas Eve so I thought I'd get away from the usual tone of this blog and extend my best wishes to each and every one of you.

I had a look at my most recent postings and thought, "holy cow, they're a little on the serious side for a couple of days before Christmas, I better soften things up with a little dose of nicety."

I can get back to all that other crap on Wednesday.

I don't plan on doing much today, other than just hanging out with the family and preparing for tomorrow.

I shipped in a big order of beer. I got some Moosehead, which my son likes, one of those Molson Pleasure Pacs for those who like Canadian or Coors Lite, and of course I got myself a big box of Bud Lite to get me through the next couple of days.

The Bud Lite cases come with NHL toques and I just know 2008 is going to be a good year because the first case I bought had a Leafs toque in it. Since then I've gotten Washington and Colorado, but hey, that's better than Montreal or Ottawa.

Have you ever had bark? My wife makes great bark and she's really gone to town this year and I'm paying for it with a couple of extra inches of flab on my midriff.

Bark is salted crackers covered with a mixture of brown sugar and butter, and then a layer of melted chocolate. It sounds simple, and to some I'm sure it might sounds gross, but its bloody good.

It's addictive. As fast as Delyse makes a pale I wolf it down which means she's had to keep the production line going. Yesterday she hid what she made and in order to get some more I had to bark for my bark.

That's right, she made me bark for my bark. But that's OK because I used to bark a lot on the Humble and Fred Show. For no particular reason, sometimes it's all I could come up with.

Maybe that's why my ass is on the sidelines right now.

Hey, here's a turkey tip. Try one of those "cook from frozen" turkeys. I know right now there are millions of people throughout North America who are worried that their turkeys might not be thawed by tomorrow. A turkey of size takes about three goddamn days.

A while back we tried one of the Butterball cook from frozen bastards and it was fabulous. They're already stuffed. They take longer to cook obviously, but they are so convenient.

Simply remove from the freezer and plunk in the oven. (remove the wrapper first)

I've got a twenty-two pounder, which means I'll have to put the son of a bitch in the oven about eight o'clock tomorrow morning, but who cares. Throw it in and let her go.

Here's another turkey tip. Take it out about ten degrees earlier than recommended. Then let it rest covered with a thick towel for about 90 minutes. Remember, turkeys continue to cook after you remove them from the oven.

By taking them out early, they don't over cook, and there's nothing worse than a dry turkey.

You go to all that trouble and then ruin the prick.

I'm also making a ham tomorrow. Not one of those fully cooked ones that you heat up and always have a funny taste to them. No, this one you actually have to cook and I'm going to do it on the barbeque. Mmmmmmmm.

I'll light the burner on one side and then place the ham on the other side and close the lid for about two and a half hours, medium heat. Good shit.

My wife makes a fabulous ginger gravy to go over the ham and I'm telling you right now, its makes the ham every bit as inviting as the turkey.

It should be a great day tomorrow; however we will have a heavy heart when we open gifts in the morning. It will be our first Christmas without our beloved Billie. We treated her like one of the kids with a stocking and presents every year.

But hey, what are you going to do? Time and age can be such a fucker.

Anyway, all the best and I'll leave you with this video.