Freddie P's Blog

February 6, 2007 @ 17:22

And speaking of commercials is there a worse one on right now than the Tim Horton's hockey spot featuring the Asian family?

What the hell is that all about? It's got to be the stupidest bloody commercial I've ever seen. It raises so many questions.

First of all, why is the old man such a prick? Secondly, when the old man arrives at the rink and the conversation starts, do they actually expect us to believe that the son had no idea his father knew what hockey team he played for or what position he played?

Who paid the kids registration? Who bought his goddamn equipment? And if it wasn't the old man, why would they make a commercial "based on a true story" about such a miserable old bastard.

And there's another part that bugs me. The flashback part when the old man sneaks into the rink to watch his kid's game. Why is he hiding? What kind of a fuckin' loser doesn't want his son to see him at his hockey game? From what we gather, the kid would have been thrilled for dad to be there, but this crusty old arshole wouldn't give an inch.

Listen, I'm not a big fan of Tim Horton commercials to begin with, I think most of them are stupid - including the current one about the berries - but this hockey spot has got to be the all time worst.

"Based on a true story?" The story of a king sized prick!

Category: Stuff

February 4, 2007 @ 16:20

I'll be watching the Superbowl at neighbour John's tonight. It's become an extremely convenient tradition.

All I have to do is walk out the door and take about 50 paces due west. Watching a game at neighbour John's provides a man with pretty much all he needs.

You walk through his foyer and the stairs to rec room are on the right. From that point on, you're in a sports fans fantasy.

As you descend the stairs there is sports memorabilia plastered to the walls and ceiling of the stairwell. Ticket stubs, newspaper articles and pictures of John with famous people.

As you enter the rec room you have to walk by a pinball machine and a big screen television to get to the bar.

The bar is appointed as well as any bar in any commercial establishment and stocked the same way. A television hangs above the bar which means you don't miss a minute of the action while you're getting a drink.

Then again, at neighbour John's it would be impossible to miss any of the action. The big screen television I mentioned is not the main television. He has another one in the main sitting area. The first big screen I mentioned is there if you're playing pinball, or if you're in the main sitting area and you happen to look to your right.

And don't worry about a quick trip to the washroom, there's a television in there was well. In a 35o square foot area, there are four television sets.

John will set up a pool for the game which will have a pay off of about 100 bucks. There all kinds of shooters you'll be urged to drink during the game, there will be all kinds of great snacks at half time, and afterwards Johnny Boy will crank up the karaoke machine and everybody will be forced to sing one song before they leave.

John will sing something by Jimmy Buffett, his dad will sing Sinatra (very well) and then I usually do John a big favour. I sing the Candy Man and it clears the house.

Category: Neighbour John

February 3, 2007 @ 17:43

I hope over the next few days Canadians stop-down and appreciate the man running this country right now.

On the heels of yesterday environmental report out of Paris, Stephen Harper showed great leadership by not buckling under to the hysteria, and giving Canadians a rational and realistic response.

As Harper says, before Canada reduces emissions, they have to be stabilized. Having been a skeptic of the science of climate change, Harper has now been convinced that it's real and steps have to be taken, but he's not about to bullshit his way through it.

"You can't just snap your fingers and reduce emissions by one-third and reduce Canadians energy use by one-third, in the space of a couple of years." he said. "We have to talk about fact, not about fantasy. The application of new technology over time is the only way to get absolute reductions."

How can you argue with that? There's no other way to look at it, because when all is said and done it will all come back to the economy. Jobs will be lost through this, lots of jobs and the Prime Minister has to prepare Canadians for that inevitability.

As he said yesterday,

"I don't think, realistically, we can tell Canadians to stop driving your car, stop going to work and stop heating your homes. The science is clear that these changes are occurring, they're serious and we must act. It's large; it's long term; and there are no quick fixes."

To be honest, I'd rather have a leader respond this way than to have some quack promising the moon when it simply can't be done.

And that quack ladies and gentlemen is Stephane Dion, who had several years to act on this problem and accomplished less than nothing - Canada went backwards.

Category: Politics

February 2, 2007 @ 16:12

Yesterday my sweet wife Delyse and I drove to Niagara Falls, New York. We went to that godforsaken Outlet Mall on Military Rd.
The main reason for going was to buy Delyse some bras. Apparently she really likes the ones they sell over there and can't find the same thing in Canada. Yesterday she bought six which totaled about 120 U.S.

Problem is, you can't just visit for a few hours and haul 120 dollars worth of anything back, let alone bras.

But that wasn't all. I went into Old Navy and they had these sweatshirty things on sale for 3.99. Unbelievable, so I bought five.

And then there was underwear for my son Danny, and just before we left we whipped into the Gap and my wife bought two pairs of Capri pants for 11 dollars each.

This was a lot of stuff for a two hour visit, so we had to plan our strategy for get back across the border. With a little consultation from a clerk at Old Navy, we decided rather than lie completely and say we had nothing, we would claim the cheap things and cram the bras in the trunk underneath the thing that covers the spare tire.

Everything seemed fine as I approached the border - and when I volunteered to the fine gentleman in the booth that I had indeed bought some shirts which amounted to a grand total of 40 dollars he seemed satisfied.

But then it was obvious he was taking too much time and he was scribbling something on a piece of paper. And then he handed it to me. It was a yellow piece of paper, and he told me to pull ahead and make a sharp left and someone would inspect what I had bought.

Shit! What if they look in the trunk? Shit! They were going to find the tit-slings.

I pulled up to the office and I went inside with the sales slips hoping this would be enough, but unfortunately it wasn't enough. The guy inside told me to wait by the car and someone would come out to have a look at what I had bought.

As I went outside almost directly on my heels was an inspector and even though I opened the back door of the car to show him the bags I had claimed, he had something else in mind, he asked me to open the trunk. Shit! He was going to find the over-shoulder-boulder holders.

At that point my mind scattered. I had never been in this situation before and I didn't know what was going to happen. If he lifted the spare tire cover what would the consequences be? Would I be arrested? Or was it just a fine? And if it was a fine, how much is the fine? Jesus Christ, why did she need new boobie traps in the first place?

But then, as I opened the trunk, I heard a wonderful thing. "Freddie P?" I looked at the inspector and he had a big smile on his face.

"You're Freddie P. aren't ya"

"Yes" I said. "I'm Freddie P."

"Nice to meet you Fred" he said. "What are you up to these days?"

"Not much" I said. In my mind I was thinking, not much besides smuggling lingerie into Canada from the United States.

The inspector was a great guy, gracious and polite. He told me he'd been listening to me since the early 80's and he once went to a CFNY Wankee game in Lewiston, he loves Peter Griffin and he loved CFNY's music and he was just plain happy I'd stopped by. Then he glanced inside the trunk, but he never lifted the tire cover.

I was a free man, and Delyse escaped with her 12 cups. And I will never "not" declare anything again.

*Portions of the above are fictional to amuse the reader.

Category: Stuff

February 1, 2007 @ 17:36

This whole climate issue is starting to bug the shit out of me. We all know global warming is a problem but it's got to be attacked in a shrewd and calculated manner.

Right now it's the "term" of the day, and it bothers me how anyone who raises any questions about it is deemed an enemy of the planet.

Yesterday the awkward Stephane Dion and the Liberals were up the Prime Minister's ass for something he wrote back in 2002. He questioned the science of climate change and called the Kyoto accord a money sucking socialist plot.

Good on him. Back in 2002 he should have been questioning Kyoto and we still should be today. It's a flawed piece of crap .

As for questioning the science of climate change that would have been a natural position to take in 2002 prior to it becoming such a sexy issue. It would have been irresponsible to do anything else.

And don't forget, in 2002 the Liberals were in year nine of doing nothing about the environment. Harper could have jumped on the environmental bandwagon then and used climate change against the governing Liberals, but instead he did some homework and simply raised some questions which are now being used against him.

I hate the way this issue is being positioned. We're all supposed to be a bunch of freakin' sheep and believe every goddamn thing we're told.

Climate change is a huge undertaking and before we spend the time and money on tackling it, we better ask a lot of questions.

Category: Politics