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False Alarm

January 9, 2007 @ 11:32

My neighbour John owns a tool and die company and often travels to the United States on business. However when he travels it's usually to Ohio and Maryland.

That's why I was so confused yesterday when I heard the reports about the peculiar smell of gas in the streets of Manhattan.

Like everyone else the first thing I thought of was terrorism. Why not, chemical terrorism has been threatened many times over the past several years. But once it was determined that terrorism wasn't a factor, I thought of neighbour John and wondered what the hell he was doing in Manhattan. Did he have a new client?

Neighbour John has the worst farts of any man I know. They don't even smell like farts, apparently it's a smell more consistent with a dead body, so he immediately came to mind as a possible source of wide spread odour in a large metropolitan area.

I jumped on the phone and gave him a call to see where he was. Turned out he was still in Brampton and had no connection what so ever to the gas alert in New York.

And then it all made sense to me. Of course neighbour John wasn't in New York. If he was, one sniff of his ass and it would have definitely been considered terrorism and the Homeland Security Advisory System would have moved from "elevated" to "severe".

Category: Neighbour John

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