Freddie P's Blog

October 16, 2006 @ 10:18

It happened on Friday afternoon. My wife talked me into going to IKEA with her to look for a dresser. It was the usual shit.

I like to go to those places and get in and out as fast as I can, but my professional shopper wife likes to stroll and browse and think and compare and analyze and inquire.

Anyway, after about two hours of walking through the IKEA maze we exited to the restaurant area.

I've got to be honest, I've never paid much attention to the restaurant area because usually I'm in such a goddamn hurry to get out there not even food can slow me down.

But this time was different. As we emerged I saw a big poster promoting ten Swedish Meatballs with your choice of soup or salad and a drink. All for $5.49.

The temptation was too much. I was hungry and I love meatballs and they looked good on the poster and I had never eaten at freakin' IKEA before so I asked my darlin' if she wanted something to eat….. half kidding.

How surprised was I when she said yes. It was quite the dining experience.

We entered the restaurant by walking across an Arden Ruda Rug and grabbed an Arda serving tray before placing our order.

The woman behind the counter scooped our meatballs out of a Skanka Pot with a Delikat ladle and placed them on our Dinera Series plates. She then handed us our Parad cutlery and told us to go sit down on an Alfon chair, which was pushed under a Bjorna table which was under a Cesium ceiling spotlight. When I sat down, I almost banged my head on a Bjarnum shelf.

Silly me, no sooner had I sat down I had to get up again. I forget to fill my Rund glass with some diet Coke
.
After we ate we scraped our garbage into a Flarke waste bin and headed for the exit.

It was at that point that an otherwise bearable afternoon became stressful. As we were leaving the store that dog with the big pecker from the Ikea Catelogue came out of nowhere and humped my leg - and he left a mess.

Lucky for me, we had purchased some Nackten towels so clean-up was quick and efficient. But not before I chopped the fuckers balls off with a Exklusivt meat cleaver