Let's Be Doing It
›› Watch the 20th Anniversary Humble and Fred Podcast of Memories. Click here!Today With Bruce Barker June 30, 2009 @ 14:24
Today With Jeff McArthur June 29, 2009 @ 12:15
Last Vegas - Days Two Three And Four June 29, 2009 @ 11:47
I said I would take my laptop along for the ride and post updates every day. That lasted just one day because the internet connection at New York New York cost 14.99 a day and it blows hogs. It was slower that shit and management at the hotel must know because the minute I raised the issue they immediately took it off my bill. What they wouldn't remove was the three dollars a day for telephone service whether you use it or not. Even if you take a cell phone, or even if you don't touch the goddamn phone for as long as you're there, they still charge your three bucks a day. It's really not a money issue, its more principle. This is a money issue and shows how are times are changing. On Friday me and my son Danny bought half of a dozen Bud Lites in aluminum bottles only to find when we got back to the room that they don't have twist tops. You need a bottle opener. No problem, we were in a hotel so I picked up the phone and called room service assuming that someone would have a bottle opener up to us in seconds. No such luck. The woman on the other end told me they'd be glad to bring a bottle opener up to the room, but it would cost ten dollars and I still don't know if that meant I could keep it. I never got that far in the conversation. First I asked her if she was serious and then I asked her if it was some kind of a joke and then I don't her that traditionally hotels usually supply things like bottle openers free of charge because it's a service to the people who are paying close to two hundred dollars a night for their hotel room. Her response was a pregnant pause and then my response to that was to hang up. Lucky for the hotel putting the bottle to the edge of the bathroom counter and banging down firmly did not leave a mark. Anyway, on the good stuff, we saw The Beatles Love on Friday night at the Mirage and we all enjoyed this much more than "O". I won't go into the intricacies because it wouldn't be fair to those who haven't seen it. What I will say is this. If you're going to Vegas and you get the chance and you have a few hundred bucks to blow, take it in. Do it. It's fabulous. The combination music, dancing and acrobatics could turn anyone into a Beatles fan. As a matter of fact I know a few people who were indifferent to the Beatles before seeing the show and this turned them around big time. On Saturday morning we rented a car and drove out the Hoover Dam and this was another fantastic experience. We took the power plant tour and they take you to the bottom of the dam and show you how and where the power is generated for most of Nevada and Southern California. I won't get into the history of the Hoover Dam came about, but it's a fascinating story of taming the Colorado River which through the early part of the century was a cruel beast. Saturday night we saw Bette Midler at Caesars and to be honest, this show rivaled the Cirque Du Soleil stuff. I don't know what to say, but in the early 70's both Delyse and I loved Midler and Delyse has always wanted to see her live. Her show was a combination of song and old style Vegas jokes and dance that offered a bonus for our whole family. My son Danny went to Mayfield High with a girl named Heather Graham who was a graduate of the dance program. She now dances in Midler's show and we saw her perform on Saturday night. I should also mention that besides the "extra charges" at New York New York, it's a fabulous hotel. Situated in a good spot it has comfortable rooms and an extremely interesting casino and mall that mimics Manhatten. We had a great time, and as good as "O" was, and as fabulous as "Love" was, and as fascinating as the Hoover Dam was and as fun as Bette Milder was, the best part of the trip was being together with my family. It's good to get away with your kids no matter how old they are and yesterday was the supreme capper as Delyse and I celebrated our 29th wedding anniversary. Comments: 8, Category: Family | Stuff
The Trailer - Week Eight - June 26-28 June 28, 2009 @ 11:16 Went to Las Vegas with Delyse and the kids. Comments: 0, Category: The Trailer
Las Vegas - Day One June 26, 2009 @ 13:45
US Airways flight 160 left on time, arrived ten minutes early, our bags quickly came to the carousel and there was cab waiting for us we left the airport. The weather is hot, although not much hotter than it was when we left Toronto, but the beer is cold and the company is great. We immediately toured the strip yesterday afternoon checkin' out some of the big hotels while grabbing our show tickets. Last night we saw "O" by Cirque Du Soleil and although I fully appreciate the technology involved, I've to say it didn't blow me away. After I got the point, I started to shift in my seat and fidget while constantly looking at my watch. I don't know what to say, I'm not much of a live theatre guy and although isn't live theatre per say, it still didn't reach out and grab me like it has so many others. Maybe it had something to do with the clowns. There are a couple of clowns in the show, and from what I can gather; they're there to allow for set changes behind the scene. I hate clowns. This is not to say that I wouldn't recommend it to people. Just realize that four tickets cost over 700 bucks Canadian, so make sure you're into this kind of stuff. I expect "Love" to be a lot more entertaining tonight. Other notes - We had lunch at "The Cheesecake Factory" which is a must-do when you're travelling with my wife in the States. It's a great place with a fabulous menu and you really can't go wrong when you concentrate of their Thai-style appetizers. We had dinner at a place called Mon Ami Gabi which is at the front of the Paris Hotel across from the Bellagio. You can have dinner while watching the water fountain display in front of the Bellagio. It's pretty cool. As for the food at Mon Ami Gabi; it was exceptional. Melanie and I had the seared sea scallops while Danny had the trout. Delyse had some thin steak dish that had his crazy good sauce all over it. One other observation - the skin trade is still quite healthy down here so the streets are full of young Mexicans handing out cards that guarantee that they can have a woman in your room with 20 minutes. It's bizarre because it's obvious there's a city by-law that says they can't speak to you, so as you walk by they smack the cards together to get your attention and then attempt to hand you one. It's ridiculous for a couple of reasons. First of all, they all stand in a row and they can plainly see that you refused a card from the person in before them, but they still insist on offering you another one. It gets to the point where some people just take the cards anyway and then immediately throw them away, which means the sidewalks are littered with cards that prominently display topless women in suggestive poses. It's pathetic really. The whole concept is bizarre. As I said to Danny, "do these guys think that just because they hand me a card I'm going to all of a sudden decide to have a hooker come to my room?" I think having a hooker come to your room is something that takes a little more contemplation and preparation. I mean really, if I want a hooker in my room I don't think the revelation is going to be made while walking down the street and having some teenager hand me a card. If I'm going to have a hooker come to my room I'd ask Delyse first and then probably do it over the phone.
Today With Craig And Matt June 24, 2009 @ 08:48
On The Road Again - Las Vegas June 23, 2009 @ 22:43
This time to Las Vegas, where me, my wife Delyse and my two kids Melanie and Danny will spend three nights and four days on the strip this weekend where we'll see three shows and maybe take a side trip to the Hoover Dam. The main reason for making this trip is to see "LOVE" by Cirque du Soleil at the Mirage on Friday night, but we'll also see "O" by Cirque du Soleil on Thursday night at the Bellagio and Bette Midler at Caesars Palace on Saturday night. Delyse and I have always loved the Beatles and the constant sound of the fab four in our house over the years turned the kids into huge fans as well. Ask either one of my kids what the greatest song ever written is and chances are very good they'll say "Imagine", because it's been drilled into their heads since they were old enough to think. However, if they say "In My Life" instead, then I'll cut them some slack. Delyse and I have taken many trips "without" the kids, but going to Las Vegas to see "LOVE" was something that we always designated as a family trip..... and thanks to a fortunate series of events over the past few weeks it all came together. And I know what some of you are thinking, Bette Midler? Sorry, but Delyse and Melanie absolutely adore Bette, and I'm not far behind. Her 1970's album "The Devine Miss M" remains one of my favourites. So Thursday morning we'll be hopping a US Airways flight out of Pearson to spend a very busy four days in a pretty cool place, but I don't mean cool literally because it supposed to be close to 40 degrees celcius while we're there. I think me and Dan will have some beers while we're there. I'll take my nifty little Nikon with me and send back a daily report. Comments: 6, Category: Family | Stuff
Comments We Like June 23, 2009 @ 22:07 Extra weight may protect from early death: study
Today With Bruce Barker June 23, 2009 @ 08:33
Today With Jeff McArthur June 22, 2009 @ 09:04
Still Stainless June 22, 2009 @ 08:32
Jason Barr Comments: 9, Category: Friends | Stuff
Not So Stainless June 22, 2009 @ 08:31
Humble Comments: 3, Category: Friends | Stuff
The Trailer - Week Seven - June 19-21 June 21, 2009 @ 11:15 Weather sucked again. Stayed in Brampton. Comments: 0, Category: The Trailer
Florching With Neighbour John June 20, 2009 @ 12:57
I promise, in the weeks ahead I'll be writing more, and the reason I say promise is because I'm flattered by those who've e-mailed to ask what the hell's going on. Anyway, it's Saturday morning, I'm sitting in the Brampton office and it's another shitty day outside, but thanks to Neighbour John I have something to write about. The ultimate florch. If you're note familiar with the term "florch", it was a term that was coined on the Humble and Fred Show back in the 90's. To the point, it's the act of farting and having some juice come out. It was the subject of much fodder on our radio show throughout the years. I maintained that most everyone on earth has "florched" at least once in their life, but Humble and Danger Boy denied ever having done it. Danger Boy I could "almost" believe because he was still in his 20's at the time and his sphincter still possessed the necessary muscles to fight off such things. Which brings me to the Neighbour John story, which ironically happened on the day of Humble and Fred's 20th Podcast of Memories. Neighbour John has always been one of my biggest supporters and there's was no way he was going to miss the podcast on May 2nd, so about one o'clock he jumped in the car to make the two o'clock start time. Problem is, because of some of the comments that had been made on this blog about his eating habits and weight, John had just begun a cabbage soup diet. Admittedly I'm not big on such things, but Johnny boy wanted a kick start to some weight loss so he decided to go the cabbage soup route. Apparently, somewhere around Burnhamthorpe, heading south on the 427, John lifted one of his ass cheeks to let go with one of his patented stink bombs, only this time there was more than just stink. The cabbage soup diet had been playing havoc with his "internal stool maker" so what was intended to be a nice long ripper turned into a bloody mess. Thankfully I don't mean "bloody" literally. John shit himself big time. This wasn't a simple florch that could maybe dry up in a few minutes and leave one's mind, this was a florch of major proportions. This was a "find the closest gas station and get the washroom key florch." John found took the first off ramp and found a Pioneer gas station where got out of the car squeezing his ass cheeks together while awkwardly entering the gas station to get the key to make all that was wrong, right. Neighbour John entered the dingy bathroom and dropped his drawers and began a massive clean-up that rivaled the Exxon Valdez. But wouldn't you know it, John had no sooner entered the washroom when a young kid who desperately needed to piss started to bang on the door. John, startled by this, and in haste to get back on the road decided to sacrifice his underwear, so he gave himself one more wipe down and placed his underwear deep inside the garbage bin before putting his pants back on. However, just before he left the washroom John gave himself a glance in the mirror and turned his ass around so he could have a look. Much to his horror there was a distinct florch mark on the back of his jeans. It was there to be seen and noticed, and definitely commented on by the group of idiots he was about to catch up with at the Humble and Fred Podcast. As he got back into his car John decided there was only one thing to do. With time running out before show time at the Dominion on Queen, John decided not to go home, but rather buy a new pair of pants. Lucky for him there was a "Moore's" directly across the street from the gas station so he bolted over there to get himself back in shape. John says it was quite the challenge to go into the clothing store and ask for the cheapest pair of pants while trying to hide his florch mark and the odour that it must have possessed. John kept his distance while the "commission only" sales person approached. John asked for a pair of basic kakis, but the salesman wanted to play sales hero and offered to measure John's waste and inseam. More horror raged through John as he envisioned sales boy getting his beak close to the disaster area, so he was short and sharp with the sales knob. "No thanks" said Johnny boy, "I know exactly what I want." He raced over to a table, grabbed something close to his size and bolted into the change room where he quickly tried on the pants. They were a perfect fit so he ripped off the tags, rolled up the soiled jeans and went straight to the checkout counter sporting his new trousers. At this point he didn't care what anyone thought. John got back into his car, and despite all this action and gastric controversy he still made it to the podcast on time. But this posed another problem. John figured he had cleaned himself up pretty well at the gas station, but he was still self conscious about lingering affect. Yea, he used soap and water and lots of paper towel, but it's not like having a shower. John didn't think he stunk, but it still played on his mind so he sat at the back of the restaurant all alone. At this point, things seemed to be fine. John had made the show on time, he had a new pair of pants, his asshole had stopped barkin' at him and he was far enough away from anyone to worry about odour. That's until Nick Kypreos entered the picture. Nick had met John at previous Humble and Fred functions, so after he had made his appearance on the podcast, Kypreos headed to the back of the bar, noticed John and had a seat beside him. On any other occasiion Neighbour John would have been thrilled to keep company with a former NHLer who had now become a TV star, but not on this day. On this day, while Kypreos made small talk John was preoccupied with what might be emanating from the area affectionately known as his stink hole. As it turns out, John was OK. The combination of the clean up job at the Pioneer and the smell of draft beer and deep fried pub food kept the fragrance of John's hell hole in check. Kypreos made no weird face contortions and stayed for a nice long chat. John was relieved, but not nearly as relieved as he was when the podcast came to an end and he could head home and put this terrible nightmare behind him. Not only that, but his gut was starting to percolate again. I just found out about this incident yesterday, so as I look back it explains John's uncharacteristic behavior at the end of the podcast. Usually he'd want to stick around and have a couple of beers before leaving, especially in a place that offered such a wide variety of draft beer. But not this time, John shook a few hands, mumbled something about having a job to do, and left the bar without anyone noticing he walked out much differently than he walked in. That's where the story ends for me. He didn't elaborate on the ride home, whether he had to make a few stops along the way or why his sweet wife Ally took a power washer into their bathroom after he got home. All I do know is this, it takes one helluva friend to put himself through what John put himself through on May 2nd to support his buddy Fred..... and an even bigger man to actually admit it. Because let's be honest, at some time in our lives we've all florched. "Cabbage soup makes you poop Comments: 13, Category: Neighbour John
WASP Men Don't Matter June 20, 2009 @ 12:56 Why ads paint dads as buffoons.
Podcast Of Memories Video June 20, 2009 @ 12:05
The video was filmed by two gentlemen who deserve a great deal of credit. Ric from ACME Pictures took video and put together this video with Dan Duran's audio and @geoperdis took additional video that helped flesh out this piece. Thanks to all, and be sure to talk to ACME about all your corporate video and television production needs.
Comments: 0, Category: Radio | Stuff
Nasty E-mail June 20, 2009 @ 09:39
Freddie P is done. This site used to be exciting, controversial, thought provoking etc etc....it just plain stinks now. I agree with you guys, I believe this blog has run it's course. I think a lot of people have switched over to twittering. Of course, it doesn`t help that Freddie P can no longer post on a daily basis for whatever reason. Geez thanks guys. I guess it doesn't matter that I explain the situation a posting above, because like anything else, there are always people ready to jump. Let me put it this way. This blog is like a radio station. Nobody is forcing you to listen or read. I do what I can when I can, but nowadays I'm spread pretty thin with other committments. But let me add this. From the outset I've always maintained that the purpose of this blog was to allow me to exercise whatever writing skills I have. To stay in shape so to speak, and from that standpoint it has served its purpose. I've tried to stay current with the audio bits, but apparently that's not good enough. If you think this blog sucks Dougie, then don't come here. If you think it stinks Sammi then I can only hope that when it didn't stink I gave you some entertianment. And sorry, BobbyB, but this blog hasn't run its course because I'll continue to write when I have the time and the urge. If it cost you something you might have an argument. In a nutshell fellas, bite my clank and call me Henry.
Today With Neil Morrison June 19, 2009 @ 18:55
Today With Craig And Matt June 17, 2009 @ 13:42
Today With Bruce Barker June 16, 2009 @ 08:45
|
                     |
Vegas, dead people and barbeque chicken.
Vegas, MJ and Kadri.
We got back from Vegas at about 11:30 last night so I thought it only fitting that I deliver what I promised.
We got to Vegas without a hitch. 
Complaining about the heat, florching and chafing.
Like I've done many times over the past couple of years since I've started this blog, I'm going to take you on the road with me again.
"I still have never florched. I have great sphincter control. I have come close a couple of times, but never has there been a stain on my shorts. I don't care if you don't beleive me."
"At this point I'm getting so old that I've probably florched but I've
I realize I haven't written a lot lately, but I've been very busy in Peterborough and I haven't found the right deal for wireless at the trailer yet, so those hours have been shaved away as well.
You can now watch the video from our podcast of memories by clicking right 
This blog sucks! Its dead!
Getting married, Sedin's and throwin' a soccer game..
Site Feed
Recent Posts, Recent Comments & CategoriesCopyright ©2009 by Fred Patterson.
Blogosphere consulting by Toronto Mike
Sitemap - All content is licensed under a Creative Commons License.